Provocative Daydreamer

I'VE MOVED!!!

2011-01-17T20:55:00.000+03:00

I AM NO LONGER POSTING MY RANTS HERE IN THIS WEBSITE COZ I'VE SWITCHED TO TUMBLR.COM

MY NEW SITE:

www.maksimorphosis.tumblr.com

see ya all there =)

Day 10 - 22 September 2010

2010-09-22T23:29:00.000+04:00

It's been the 10th day.

I'm thinking whether I should post these rants or not.

But why not post if I wrote it? What for am I writing this? Oh well maybe I'd read this in the future. But what for? Beats me.

I find myself crying almost every night. No matter how I tried not to. I don't know. Everything reminds me of you. Somehow, yeah. Somehow everything reminds me of you.

I'm still puzzled, confused, and terribly shaken.

I don't understand.

Why did it happen so fast?

Who was I to you before?

Did you ever love me when we were together?

Did you really mean it when you said you loved me?

Was I just a game to you?

...and the list could just go on.

I saw your pictures lately. I noticed that my ring was not there even. Well perhaps it was not there already for some time. But the naive me just got to realize it just now. Then I looked at my left hand. Your ring is still there, on my ring finger. I remembered what we promised together - to be there for each other forever. Might have sounded childish back then, but I really took your word for it. You know why?

You assured me that we would work out.

You convinced me to trust you.

You promised...

...but then promises were just mere words I guess.

I never felt so betrayed before. I feel like a total fool now. A fool for love. Is that wrong? I don't know.

I felt like tearing apart from inside.

It is so hard keeping it to myself.

I can't handle it alone.

I need to tell people.

Somebody.

Anybody.

I'm sorry.

I can't do it alone.

You've moved on so fast, I want to do so too. I can't be stuck here without you beside me.

It is so hard to fake my laughter every morning.

I don't want people to know.

I don't want them to know about how battered I am inside.

I don't want them to pity me.

It's miserable enough being alone.

Day 7 – September 19, 2010

2010-09-19T22:18:00.002+04:00

I woke up feeling heavy headed. My hand instinctively grabbed my phone to see if I got any texts from B. Nothing. Well – I’ve been dumped. What else could I expect? Silly me. And I've been checking my phone for the past week.

I kept thinking about B. The more I thought, the more tighter my chest felt. As if someone grabbed my heart and strangles it there and then. Images of me and B together flashed like a passing train through my mind.

I watched the video I made for B. I know I shouldn’t have watched it. But I wanted to. I watched it repeatedly, and tears repeatedly ran down my cheeks. I saw pictures of us together, at home, at trips…I can’t believe we weren’t together anymore. It just felt so different, it felt just as if my whole heart got infarcted – then only a small part was there, beating. I know it sounds totally non-medical, but that was what I thought earlier.

I took the leter B wrote for me on the 31 August. B wrote it just before I left home to come here to continue my studies. Actually I felt B was getting further away from me since B went to college. Actually I started crying long ago, since July. I felt something was wrong but B never told me anything. B told me that I was thinking too much.. I worry too much. B told me, “how could I trust you, if you don’t trust me?”

I do.

I do trust you.

Just that you don’t LET me trust you. You avoided me most of the time. You gave me a lot of excuses. You left me hanging just like that. Do these look trustable to you? I’m sorry, but you gave me room to doubt you.

I could watch the video no more. I could read the letter no more. I took my shower and got dressed for church.

At church I sat, I didn’t think about anything else other than you B. I was crying silently but some noticed it. I wish I could just act as if nothing happened. Well – I couldn’t. And I didn’t know how did you do that.

After church I left as quickly as possible. I didn’t want to meet or talk to anyone.

I felt the urge to isolate myself…

The 5 Most Lucrative Jobs of 2050

2010-09-16T22:54:00.000+04:00

SCENARIO

The year is 2050. Everyone is practically working top-notch professional job lines in every possible fields: medical, engineering, entertainment, resource and human management, agriculture and the list goes on. Basically everyone is working their asses off practically just to earn enough money to make a living - and it is safe to say: everyone forgot how to live the simple life. Now the simple life is in demand - people are trying to get in touch to things that defines humanity. Jobs that revolve around humanly values such as care, love, happiness and freedom – as well as values showing our imperfect existence such as vulnerability, mortality and incapability are lacking. Thus, this is the list of the top 5 most lucrative jobs for the year 2050:

1. MAID

"People are now forgetting the joys of spring cleaning the old way with family and loved ones. That's why the maid is very much needed during these times to reinject some humanity into us."

Why: Due to the heavy dependency of the world on electricity and depleting sources of energy (oh, FYI renewable and green energy is not anymore available as the world is not in a balanced ecosystem at all, thanks to what we have been doing for all these years) - blackouts are a common thing everyday. So all the high tech cleaning appliances are always out of order. Here comes the maid to save the day! Taking care of the home the old fashion way - with the help of the trusty broom and duster, and not forgetting the old wipecloth.

Requirements: 5 year degree course in Domestic Cleaning - B.Sc (Hons) Domestic Cleaning

Academic Prospectus (Major):

Sweeping and Mopping Techniques I & II
Chemical Cleansers Analysis I, II & III
Dusting I & II, Laundry Management
Domestic Waste Management
Domestic Sanitizing
Pet Waste & Care Management

Academic Prospectus (Minor):

Interior Design I
Family Management I
Aesthetics and Homescaping

Coursework: 6 month internship in a sewage/local dump to gain hands-on experience on cleaning.

Salary Range: 15,000 - 18,000 USD.

2. HOME MANAGER

" People nowadays forget the true value of a family institution. A stable and happy family institution is the basic nuclear institution from which a strong nation gets its sound foundation"

Why: People work 36 hours a day nowadays. We rarely get to meet our family in person - thanks to all the technology. Video conferencing and holographic projections of our families and loved ones are the best thing we can get nowadays since everyone lives in their workplace as of current. The home is just a nominal institution signifiying the presence of a family which is practically non-existent.

Requirements: 1 year foundation studies in Married Life Rites + 4 year degree course in Housewifery or Househusbandry (B.A. Housewifery, B.A. Househusbandry)

Academic Prospectus (Major):

Family Planning I & II
Family Management I, II, & III
Children Studies I & II
Love, Care and Happiness I & II
A House is Not A Home I & II

Academic Prospectus (Minor):

Communication Studies: Face to Face
Time Management
Anger Management
Stress Management

Coursework: 6 month attachment to a problematic family (anywhere in the world)

Salary Range: 20,000 – 24,500 USD

3. DAY-DREAMER

“People are becoming more and more robot-like with each passing day, not only in their mundane physical lives, but also slacking off in the creative and imaginative department. The essence of humanity lies in our ability to freely create and indulge in our endless imagination, and to lose that wonderful ability means to totally lose our humanity”

Why: Due to the overdeveloped world, people have reached the limit of their technological creativity – exhausting their imagination. As a consequence, they start to feel more robotic each day, living life without anything to look forward to. Gone are the words such as “thrills”, “adventure”, and “excitement”.

Requirements: 6 year degree course in Daydreaming and Imaginative Studies - B.Sc Daydreaming and Imaginative Studies (Hons)

Academic Prospectus (Major)

Creative Studies I, II & III
Daydreaming I, II, III & IV
Imagination I & II
Freedom of Thought I & II
Brainworks I & II
Mindworks I & II

Academic Prospectus (Minor)

Hobby I & II
SLAM (Science, Language, Art & Music) Collage Studies I
Mental Exercise I
Sleeping Exercises
Science of Instinct & Gut Feeling

Coursework: Continuous assessment of creativity and imaginative generation during periods of unattentiveness i.e. sleeping during lectures, dozing off under a tree, staring blankly out of a window etc.

Salary Range: 26,000 – 30,000 USD.

4. LOVE PHILOSOPHER

“Too many broken relationships and broken marriages tarnish the beauty of love, thanks to long hours at work and rampant involvement in borderless online socializing. People need to be educated about the basics of love and the sanctity of it.”

Why: The word “family” and “couples” and “marriages” are not anymore the matters of the heart now, since everyone are married to their jobs and careers. Most get into marriage and relationships just because its another rite of passage of an adult human being. Gone are the values of true love and the promises it brings with it.

Requirements: 1 year foundation studies in Married Life Rites OR Relationship Science + 5 year degree programme in Pure Love (B.Sc Pure Love)

Academic Prospectus (Major):

Love, Care and Happiness I, II, III & IV
Trustology I & II
Science of Understanding
Head-Over-Heels-ology
Love For Dummies I, II & III
Communication: Face to Face
Communication: Heart to Heart

Academic prospectus (Minor)

Psychology
Science of Comforting and Acceptance Studies
Science of Forgiving and Forgetting
Anger Management

Coursework: 8-12 months experience being in relationship with fixed external factors in a controlled environment.

Salary Range: 24,000 – 32,000 USD.

5.TOTAL LOSER

“Sometimes there must be a loser. You can’t win all the time. It’s against the rules of nature”

Why: People nowadays are so competitive. Everyone wins. It feels as if life has been rigged. It defies the norm. Life is always about balance, there must be a winning side, and there’s the losing side as well. Now life has been thrown out of balance. People grow arrogant and cocky because they never felt the feeling of being a loser. People forget the values of being humble and they forget the saying – things that doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger. One more thing, we gain through losing.

Requirements: 1 year foundation studies in Solitary Science + 5 year degree programme in Loserology (B.Sc Loserology)

Academic Prospectus (Major)

Yin and Yang I & II
Science of Patience
Hermitology I, II & III
Loser Thinking I, II & III
Total Crap I & II

Academic Prospectus (Minor)

General Wasting I & II
Science of Misfortune

Coursework: Any three (3) successive misfortunes in any field with considerable impact of emotional breakdown, plus affection in another socioeconomic aspect, submitted in a full-detail report paper.

Salary Range: Estimated over 30,000 USD

[Maksim.Markusevich]

Day 1 - September 11, 2010

2010-09-11T23:29:00.002+04:00

Today was just like any other day. I woke up as usual in the morning, took my bath and packed my bag for classes. And this week we have a new cycle – Autopsy. Oh great, cutting up the dead. A thought which I didn’t really look forward to, actually. And so there I was, on the bus., on the way to the morgue. It was a long journey, I thought. Then my thoughts drifted away, and these words suddenly ran across my mind:

“Please do not disturb me anymore. Live your life without me.”

Then my vision became blurry, and I felt my chest tighten. MY breath became heavy and deep, as I felt trickles of sadness run down my cheeks. Reading that message earlier before going to class was a wrong move.

September 11. This date has been etched into the minds of modern humans, as a day of great disaster and sorrow. For those who actually lost their families and loved ones on that day, today marks another anniversary of that painful memory. And now, I think I’m going to be one of them who will remember September 11 as a day of great grief.

On September 11, 2010 – I was dumped.

Yup. After 6 months together. The end has come. I should have seen it coming. It was so perfect in the beginning. I guess it was just not meant to be. What about all the promises made a long time ago? Was it all true, or was it all a lie?

I was shattered. My whole world just stood still as I read the words that made me weak in the knees. We promised to be together, be there for each other, in pain or gain, in health or sickness, in joy or sorrow. I guess the promises were just words. I was the only one who was hanging on to my promises.

I couldn’t concentrate at all in class. I had to bail out of the autopsy room. The stench of the rotting corpse strained my endurance to the max, and I nearly had nothing at all to begin with. I left and immediately went home. I just laid on my bed the whole day. I didn’t eat. I didn’t feel like eating. I laid on my bed from afternoon till the night. I only woke up to brush my teeth and wash my face which was drenched in tears. I slept immediately after that, perhaps due to the crying I’ve done the whole day. And as I texted B good night, I wished myself good night as well.

ily.imy.iny

Harvest Festival 2010 : Culture and Tradition defines Humanity.

2010-06-06T15:37:00.001+04:00

Being far away from home will certainly make you miss dearly what have you left behind. That includes family, friends, culture and tradition. But that does not necessarily mean that they should be forgotten altogether. It is easy to keep in contact with your family and friends - as now in the modern world, there are practically no borders for telecommunication. You can call home via phone or IDD cards, and even through internet programs namely Skype, Yahoo Messenger, MSN Live Messenger - just to name a few.

But how to keep in touch with your culture, your traditions? Sadly not many of the youngsters these days really take much effort to get in touch with their roots. What I mean by roots are the ways of the old, which are unique for every ethnic group. I personally believe that not everything should succumb to the iron-fist dictatorship of technology, some things should be preserved and kept for generations to come - as a reminder of our past. And to know the past then comparing it to the present, it is really amazing to see how much have we progressed to be who we are now.

I used to be one of the ignorant youngsters, who was brought up in the big city, who thought that modernity was the only way of life, and who thought it was the sole decisive factor that kept humanity progressing forwards. I failed to see how important it is to keep my traditions and culture alive, as I always thought that it was the responsibility for those who live in the villages.

MAN, I WAS SO WRONG.

Being sent overseas to study has really opened my eyes to the world surrounding me. And I feel so lucky to be one of them who actually get to go outside from under the coconut shell to actually explore what is it like out there. I have traveled to many different countries - and I am very proud to actually say that I have visited them: Thailand, Vietnam, South Korea, UAE, Czech Republic, Russia, Spain, England, Wales, Ireland, Italy, Vatican City, Latvia, Germany, Austria, Netherlands and Egypt. One of the most valuable things I have learnt during my travels is that the only thing that makes us unique as human beings is our CULTURE. Without it, humankind will be no more different than robots. Realizing this, I took a great effort to actually start learning something about my culture.

Culture can be studied from a lot of different aspects. So, I decided to choose a particular part of culture based on my strong background of stage performance and also my enthusiasm for it - that is why I decided to learn more about cultural dancing.

It all started from a small show we did for a local orphanage. Me and 3 of my friends decided to dance the traditional Kadazandusun Sumazau dance, and also the Iban Ngajat dance. Boy, did I suck big time! After the dance, I recalled watching in horror how I danced from the recording - I danced somewhat like a cockerel being strangled to death! Seriously, it was that awful. The last time I danced on stage was in like, primary 5!

The only thing saving my ass was my original Kadazandusun outfit which I made myself in 3 days during my 2nd year summer break. (Well, it took that long because I had only basic sewing knowledge my mom taught me when I was young) . The reason I made that outfit was not at all intended for any dancing - it was meant to be worn to any cultural nights just to show off the bling-bling!

After that embarrassing debut on stage, I vowed to myself never to put myself through such shame ever again. But that did not stop me from itching on stage in the future. My next chance came quite fast - we were requested to perform for our annual Malaysian Cultural Night. Then I had an idea. I approached a few friends from Sarawak and Sabah to propose to them the idea of doing a collaboration of Sabahan and Sarawakian dances. Fortunately they agreed! Thus - in November 2008, the Kenyalang Kinabalu Cultural Troupe (KKCT) was formed!

Since we had a lot of members, but limited costumes - I decided to create the other costumes. But it was not easy. I borrowed my Kadazandusun outfit to another friend, and I designed a creative Iban outfit for myself. So in the 2008 edition, we featured the costumes of the Iban, Bajau, Orang Ulu, Bidayuh, Kadazan, Rungus, Murut, and Suluk ethnics, respectively.

KKCT became an overnight cultural sensation. We were invited to perform for various intra- and inter-university events. And I was the beaming "Huguan Siou" konon - because my idea of creating a cultural dance troupe became true, and not only that we acheived a great milestone!

Our biggest acheivement to date is competing in the Spring Student's Festival Russian Federation State Level - we were so hyped about the competition, we added another dance number to our repertoire and added more difficulty to our routine. The result? KKCT bags the Silver Laureate award! We never thought we would place anyway, as there were many good performances that night. Perhaps it was Beginner's Luck :)

A year passed by then, in 2009 I was elected as the VP of Social and Cultural Affairs of our university's Malaysian Student's Association - I guess it was mainly due to to my experience and achievements in performing arts. Shortly after the elections, we were invited to perform at the International Student's Cultural Exhibition. We added more dancers, added more variability and color, added more accessories and costumes. This time a Kelabit girl, an Iban girl and another Kadazan guy joins the KKCT. And as you can see, I changed my Iban outift for an Orang Ulu outfit.

And being Social and Cultural Affairs VP doesn't mean that I'm basked in glory and glamor. I had to get my hands down and dirty to show that I am really capable of doing my job well. More like a proving test. So my next assignment is MACH (Malaysian Arts, Culture, & Heritage) Night 2009. So I decided to direct a movie depicting the legendary heroes and characters in history.

And I played the part of Gusti Adipati, brother of Gusti Putri (from Puteri Gunung Ledang). So for that role, I designed this outfit.

Then in 2010 - the biggest challenge I have ever faced. It was the Annual Malaysian Students' Intervarsity Games - dubbed as Kursk Games 2010 (Our city of Kursk was selected to be host for the annual games). I was elected to be the Events Manager, and I am generally responsible for the performances to entertain everyone. So I put together a 2 hour non stop concert consisting of a myriad of Malay, Chinese, Indian, Borneo, Modern and Jazz dance numbers, not forgetting a few musical acts and also vocal performances. Obviously I was in charge of the Borneo performances, putting KKCT on stage.

And personally, I need to hype up my costume. And so did the rest with their costumes. Stick more sequins, stitch more fabric here, sew some ribbons there...HEHE.(FYI, I did my costume from scratch, using cardboard, cellophane, fabric, sequins, pigeon feathers, leather straps, ribbons, sarong cloth and other random stuff I could get my hands on. Being in Europe made me redefine creativity to create a costume without the original fabrics and ornaments. So this is what I thought was the best I could ever do, given such circumstances.)

And so the Gala Night came.

And thus we marched on stage, nosily - as the heavy ornaments on the costumes swayed and made tinkling sounds, while we carried with us the bamboo sticks, the drums and the flowers...

And thus we moved into position, as we waited for the drums and gongs to start beating, the flute to start whistling, the chants of the old weaving here and there...

And thus we paved our feet and carved the air with our hands in tandem with the resonating music, as we swayed our bodies showing off the shiny sequins which reflected the cameras' flashes...

And thus we showed the world a tiny bit of our Borneo native culture, which has been well kept for generations...

And thus we wowed the crowd.

And thus the resounding applause.

So as a closing note, I really am very proud of myself and my teammates for we were able to at least portray a glimpse of what we have back home in Sarawak and Sabah. Our KKCT journey from 2008 - 2010 has been a very exciting and enlightening one.

Kotobian Tadau Tagayo do Kaamatan 2010 & Gayu Guruh Gerai Nyamai 2010

Will the Fence eat the Paddy?

2010-06-02T09:30:00.000+04:00

"At some point in life, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep people out. They fence you in. That's how we're made. So you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines...that are way too dangerous to cross."

The Humble Paddy

The Sturdy Fence

An old Malay proverb goes like this - Harapkan pagar, pagar makan padi.

Loosely translated into English - Trust the fence, but the fence eats the paddy.

This is a proverb with the word DISAPPOINTMENT written all over its face (that is, if it even has one LOL). Metaphorically speaking - the farmer depends on the fence to keep animals from feasting upon his paddy plants, but to his dismay, the fence whom he entrusted the protection for his paddy actually betrayed him, for the fence "ate" his paddy.

Betrayal is painful. Luckily it hasn't happened yet. But I surely don't want it to happen! So, is it a wise move to prevent any possible betrayals in the future, and is there a non-awkward way to actually accomplish it?

Now let me tell you another metaphoric story.

Let's say person A and B are very good friends. Now, A and B love pets. A goes head over heels for tabby cats, and on the other hand B simply adores Persian cats. So basically both of them have very different tastes, worlds apart to be exact.

Now, A has had a lot of different pets before, and so did B. So for this time, A was lucky as A was given a highly-prized pedigree dog. B on the other hand, was pet-less, or was having a pet but of normal breed. So having a dog for a first time was very exciting for A.

So B started to go to A's home to see the dog. The act seemed harmless at first, but then B started to come more frequently and became closer to the dog, played joyfully with it, and once in a while giving it food and the dog STARTED to show response to B's voice and commands. A seem worried as B is getting closer to the dog, and A doesn't want the dog to respond to any other people. Perhaps B even wants to take the dog out for a doggie walk!

Now the question is,

WHY does B show so much interest in the dog now?

WHY not with A's previous pets?

WHY only now B decides to come to A's home just to see the pets?

Obviously B is interested in the dog, isn't it?

What should A do?

Tell B to not come so often?

Tell B to stay away from the dog?

Should A confront B and ask B what is B's motive of suddenly getting close to the dog?

A is afraid that by telling B what A feels, their close friendship will take the toll.

A wants the dog all to A's self! It is the most dear thing to A!

Yes, maybe A is possesive, maybe A is jealous. But this is what A feels.

A feels that B is just trying to get friendly to the dog. Well, maybe a LITTLE too friendly.

And it is not the dog's fault.

The dog is engineered to be friendly.

There are a lot more dogs out there, B - why would you disturb A's dog?

I would like to believe that close best friends are to be treasured forever for they will be there for you no matter in thick or thin, but if you start to think differently about them - what does that mean? I would not, seriously, WOULD NOT talk bad of my close best friends but - nowadays, life is messy.

No matter how we draw boundaries, some people will not get the message. They, on the other hand, should know better than to cross it, and if they are your close best friends - that gives them more reason to be considerate of you and your boundaries!

Maybe I am just paranoid. Maybe I am just thinking too much. Maybe I am insecure. But nowadays, there are many cases of BFF Betrayal - and I don't want to be involved in one! The BFFs that you trusted with all your heart are the ones who are actually betraying you - now that SUCKS big time.

But seriously, its a doggy-doggy world out there.

Eat, or be eaten.

What's mine, it's mine.

What's yours, it's yours.

DO NOT CROSS THAT BOUNDARY.

B - GET YOUR OWN DOG TO DISTURB!

Blut ist dicker as Wasser?

2010-05-22T16:16:00.005+04:00

(Copyrights granted by Aren YCL. Thanks Aren!)

It DOES look thick, don't you think so?

Today over lunch, I had a nice long chat with Devan. Devan is my groupmate, studying with me here in Russia. We had quite a lengthy chat, which left me thinking what is the real value of a family institution. In the context of my family and I, of course.

There is an old German proverb that goes "Blut ist dicker als Wasser", which its English equivalent is "Blood is thicker than water". It generally means that "the bonds of family and common ancestry are stronger than those bonds between unrelated people." (Wikipedia)

So this means that if the bonds are really that strong - there should be ultimate support and backup among family members, am I right?

What if, one day something happens that can shatter that so-called strong bonds? (Suddenly the term "weak Van-der-Waals bonds came across my mind LOL)

You see, I love my family. And I am sure you love your family too. You and I love them so much that we'd rather die than to be separated from them forever. But what if, one day I were to do something that would really break their heart, and it would be something that they never could ever accept coming from me? Would they disown me?

I am sure they want me to be happy.

I am really sure of that.

But what if my idea of happiness IS NOT their idea of happiness?

It doesn't mean that what they want is what I want.

What if pursuing that scholarship for a musical degree in Japan will make me happy - instead of enrolling myself in medical school?

What if being actively involved in stage and theatrical acts makes me happy - instead of just sitting quietly at home?

What if being happy means being myself - instead of forcing myself to fit into social norms?

An old Malay proverb once said, "Syurga itu di bawah telapak kaki ibu" which is loosely translated as "Heaven is underneath your mother's feet". It means that we should obey our parents wishes and honor all their decisions - no matter what, else heaven/happiness is not yours to claim.

NOW - I am confused. Should I root for Germany or Malaysia? LOL.

Okay, jokes apart - I am really quite serious. I really want to be happy - who doesn't right? I really want to make my parents happy and proud! But what if my happiness goes the opposite way from my parents? Should I forfeit my happiness, live a lie, and comply to my parents wishes ? Or should I risk losing their favor by foregoing their wishes and indulge in my happiness, with a little bit of guilt?

Then comes into mind the principle "To choose the lesser evil". Okay, since both of my choices are not perfectly fairytale-ish, this seems to be a sound decision. Then again, choosing is one of my least favourite hobbies.

However as for now, I firmly believe in what I believe as happiness. I am adult enough to take resposibility of my actions, and I thank my parents with all my heart, for all the years for their love, patience, and sacrifice as they saw me grow up. I think it is time to let me fly away from the nest...and let me fend for myself.

I am back!

2010-05-22T02:04:00.000+04:00

Hello to one and all. It's me and I am back after a long hiatus.

The last time I blogged was in January. At that time I had exams, and was hyped up to go for my annual Eurotrip vacation. And that explains why I forgot all about my blog.

A lot of things has happened since then...so for me to keep track of important things happened after I stopped blogging, I shall list important events here, so as to remind myself of what I should update in the coming posts:

1. Surreal Spain 2010

The theme of my Eurotrip this year was Surreal Spain 2010. I visited Barcelona, Reus, Tarragona, Zaragoza, and Bilbao. Oh yes and a very important event happened here - I WAS ROBBED! But I considered myself lucky. I only lost my visa (along with some euros, my iPod, my Spanish booklet, my trusty organizer, my Francesco Donni bag (which was in one of my earlier posts under Confessions of a Shopaholic). Luckily my wallet and passport are in my trench coat inner pocket. So my holiday wasn't that bad anyway. I enjoyed 15 days of superb holidaying in Spain. And now the problem is that I can't go back to Russia without a visa, I need to get one done ASAP. The Russian and Malaysian consulates can't help me here it seems, so I decided to FLY HOME! But before that...I made a pit stop. Instead taking my paid flight from Barcelona - Riga - Moscow, I took a different route instead...

2. Irresistable Italy 2010

To Milan and Rome! The best flight offer I got to fly home requires me to board the plane in the land of ancient Gods and Godesses, where they fought lions in the Colloseum and where one of the most romantic languages in the world are spoken everywhere. And now its one of the leading fashion hubs in Europe. A bonus trip is that I got to visit the Vatican City - and had a priviledge to be in the Pope's audience. Ah, romance is in the air EVERYWHERE. Stayed for a romantic 7 days here - before flying off to another destination before reaching home...

3. Exotic Egypt 2010

OOH. It was only a one-day transit affair with Egypt. I was nearly worn out from all the travelling and shopping I've done. And I really didn't feel like going out of the airport. From Rome, I flew to Luxor - and from there to Cairo. On the way, I saw with my own 2 eyes the majestic beauty of the Giza pyramids. What an amazing sight to behold even from an aerial view! And I even met a new friend from Hungary who is also flying to Malaysia to meet her boyfriend, aww - that's sweet! From Cairo the next day, straight to Kuala Lumpur!

4. Home Sweet Home!

Yes. Home sweet home. Was never so relieved to see my parents faces ever in my life after that scary incident in Barcelona. Need a great big time-out!

5. Couchsurfers at my home!

Peter from Switzerland, and Leo from Lahad Datu came to stay with us and we had great fun bringing them all around! We went to cultural places and had a wonderful gastronomic experience here and there!

6. Kursk Games 2010

The intervarsity games are back - and this time it's in Kursk. I am faced with a daunting task of being Events Manager - and my work scope focuses mainly on the stage and hall preparations as well as the performances for the Opening Ceremony, Grand Gala, and Closing Ceremony. I have never organized anything on this large scale, and I have only participated in these kinds of events only as a performer before. But I try to be optimistic and will try my best to deliver high-quality performances of our colourful culture to fellows Malaysians and also to the international crowd! Watch me as swing into action - follow the pics!

My 23rd Birthday: 29th November 2009

2010-01-05T03:46:00.000+03:00

Happy 23rd Birthday Max!

My Birthday is my happiest day of the year - IMHO.

Well basically it's because the spotlight is on ME only.

My your telephone will get flooded by congratulatory SMSes.

Not forgetting my Facebook wall too - will be scribbled by a lot of well wishers.

My friends will try their best to surprise me with a party of some sort.

Or if that doesn't work out, they will just treat me on a birthday dinner.

And the most exciting part is when the gift is brought out - I just don't know what is it!

Thank you everyone for making my 23rd Birthday a memorable one.

I will cherish these memories as long as I can remember.

Love you all!

These are people whom I hold close and dear to my heart.

Thanks for the lovely gifts! You guys knew what I liked the most - chocolates and perfumes!

[ <3 Thank you <3 ]

Day 6: Storming Moscow

2010-01-05T02:49:00.000+03:00

OH NO.

The dreaded day came.

MY LAST DAY OF MY TRIP.

Okay - there is no use whining. Better make the most of the limited time that we had.

Poor thing. Saw him on the streets begging for money. Curse those humans who forced these poor animals to attend to their unnecessary needs.

Woke up. Packed everything although it was nearly impossible. One-hour journey to Domodedovo International Airport. Had lunch there. Bid farewell to uncle and aunty. Went back to Moscow City centre by the aero-express. Checked the time of our train back to Kursk.

7 p.m.

What is the time now?

5.30 p.m.

DRATZ. I have at most 1 hour to shop!

Darn it.

Let's start!

SHOPPING A SUCCESS!!!

Uber-cool tie with shades of blue and hints of silver from Mexx. Valued at 5430 roubles.

Black cardigan-jacket from Zara Homme. Valued at 3990 roubles.

Black cardigan with purple borders from Bershka. Valued at 1290 roubles.

Okay - these 3 are enough! What is the time now?

6.30 p.m.!

Okay - good bye Moscow! Till we meet again soon! I've got a train to catch!

Oh and we met some really friendly and cool Russian youngsters on board, and we became instant friends!

Nice to meet you, Anton Yakovlev & Anyuta Yeliseeva!

Day 5: Storming Moscow

2010-01-05T02:22:00.000+03:00

Okay, now we've reached Moscow! First things first, let's head to our apartment!

Aww - this is the owner's cat.

WOW - and we have a piano at home too! Coolness~~

Okay - basically this is our last day of quality holiday. Tomorrow is going to be super-packing day for uncle and aunty (going back to Malaysia) and for us (going back to Kursk - sigh~~)

Where to: The Red Square, Kremlin, and the Arbat Street.

Kremlin at the Red Square

Supposedly you make wishes on this spot as you throw a coin over your shoulder.

The Red Square

Who wants to take pictures with Lenin?

This place just attracted my attention.

Arbat Street!

Statue of Russia's most famous poet Alexander Pushkin, and his wife.

Spring Shopping Complex

Mu-Mu Cafe.

Okay - I think this is enough for our holiday...

WAIT!!!

I HAVEN'T SHOPPED ANYTHING YET!!!!

sigh.

I guess I have to do it tomorrow then.

But will I succeed in the rush?

*crossing fingers*

Day 4: Storming St. Petersburg

2010-01-05T01:48:00.000+03:00

Okay - it was our 4th day in the beautiful city of St. Petersburg. Hurry hurry up - we have got to cover more parts of the city!

Today's destination is the Spas-Na-Krov, which is the The Church of Our Savior on Spilled Blood (Cool name huh?)

Anyway this church was supposedly built here on the site of where Emperor Alexander II was fatally wounded and died on the spot - after an allegedly 7th attempt on his life. So to commemorate the Resurrection of Christ - this church was built here. (IDK about you, but I think this description is quite odd - don't ask me I just took the info from the St. Petersburg guide!)

View in daylight and under the moon.

In front of the gates.

Griboedov canal.

Me and best buddy Vin on the bridge of the canal.

Uncle was nearly frozen to death (well he wasn't too accustomed to the mild weather yet :P) so he wanted to buy a scarf on the spot! Try this on for size, uncle!

We didn't enter the church because I WAS ADAMANT about it. I don't want to enter another historical hoo-haa and i have to pay for it when I know I'm not going to be impressed again. So off we go to the Palace Square and Alexander Column nearby, and the General Staff Building was in the vicinity.

Palace Square with Alexander Column

The General Staff Building

As we made our way back to our lodgings - I took the view around the famous Prospekt Nevskij (The main street in St. Petersburg)

I had to take this. A Roman Catholic church! Me being an RC - I had an urge to do so :P

Okay - officially we have covered most of the main attractions of St. Petersburg - and we have to get back to our lodgings and pack for our next destination: MOSCOW!!!

So we got on a VERY VERY comfortable train from St. Petersburg to Moscow. Now this is what you call a pleasant journey!

Good night!

I guess I couldn't sleep yet - my stomach was growling.

Hungry~~~~ Train cafe, here I come!

Day 3: Storming St. Petersburg

2010-01-05T01:18:00.000+03:00

Well this is my first blog post for 2010 - and Happy New Year first of all! I have a LOT to catch up...so let's not waste much time, and cut the chase shall we?

Well, where did I stop like 2 months ago?

Day 3: Storming St. Petersburg

Well, as far as I can remember the 3rd day we went to visit the Hermitage or also known as the Winter Palace. Supposedly it was the winter retreat for the Tsar and his royal family, but now it has been preserved into a high-class museum.

Picture collage

Grand gallery

Tsar's throne

Truthfully I HATED visiting museums. They bore me. The only exciting part is to take pictures of the unique items on display. The most you can get out of me from visiting a museum is "Oh wow - that MUST be old." God - I was soooo bored!

Energy....drained...need to...rechargeee......need FOOD!

We had lunch at an authentic Russian Restaurant - Елки-Палки (transliteralized as Yolki-Palki). The interior ambience really reflected the cozy interior of a warm Russian home, kept crisp by good interior heating systems - be it a fireplace or a hot water piping system. So, what was on the menu? We ordered a myriad of Russian delicacies:

Борщ (Borshch - Beetroot soup with beef and cabbages and potatoes with sour cream)

Солянкя (Soljanka - Thick spicy and sour soup made of picked cucumbers with brine, cabbages, salty mushrooms and beef)

Кутлеты (Kutlet'y - Cutlets of beef, pork and chicken, fried or baked)

Биф-строганоф (Bif-stroganof - Beef strips stewed in cream with black pepper, which was (strangely) served upon a bed of fettucini)

Шашлик (Sashlik - Skewered pieces of pork roasted with peppers and tomatoes, served with piquant dipping made of fresh grated onions and peppers with vinegar)

Компот (Kompot - Chilled concoction of dried fruits and berries)

Wow - now that is what I call a good meal!

Then after that we just wandered off to some random shops along the way home. TOO TIRED! We shall continue the next day! Good night!

Day 2: Storming St. Petersburg

2009-10-02T10:00:00.021+04:00

After a productive clubbing session in downtown Central Station Club - which ended at about 4 a.m. and on the way home we got ourselves some takeouts from KFC Rostik's (I don't know why it KFC is called as such here in Russia) before dozing off in the hotel, I woke up at 9 a.m. Well, we are supposed to get ready BY 9 a.m. as we have more to do today.

Yummy fried chicken...keeping in mind the oil content X_X

I was kind of disappointed yesterday as I had not enough time to shop, I didn't manage to purchase anything worth of bragging rights. Sigh. We only managed to enter ZARA and I saw a nice looking suit which costs 4530 roubles. Err...should I but that or not? It will certainly set fire to my wallet if I should do so O_o

At last - ZARA!

Should I buy it or not? Dratz.

Had my breakfast. 2 bowls of honey stars. 1 boiled egg. I chunk of table cheese. 2 slices of oatmeal bread. A few glasses of milk. Well I microwaved the egg and it exploded in the oven! LOL. Should have sliced it first. Now I have to clean the microwave oven! Sigh.

Dammit. X_X

So, what is today's plan? Well, we are visiting the Peterhof, a very beautiful palace of the Tsar.

Yay - we've reached Peterhof!

This beautiful winter palace is facing the Gulf of Finland - which is why it is notoriously windy there.

Standing at the pier at the Gulf of Finland. Gosh - the wind!

Quite far from our hotel, but reachable by the metro. Then maybe to some other architectural wonders around, then last stop would be the souvenier shop. Maybe shop at some designer boutiques along the way.

*in awe*

The famous Peterhof. Just look at the fountains!

One of the many intricately designed gardens.

*growl*

OH NO - not my stomach again! Need to find a cafe, pronto! Oh - there's a sign, what does it say?

ROFLMAO - what is this??? Oh well, I have no other choice.

Ahh - a cafe at last!

Oh now it is the time to shop at the gift shop! Presents for friends and loved ones!

Aww - saw this Teddy in the exterior gift shop! Isn't it adorable? It is the sweetest thing I've seen in St. Petersburg!

After a whole day of awesomeness in Peterhof, it is now time to exit through the vine-covered tunnel!

So, TTFN! Bye!

Day 1: Storming St. Petersburg

2009-10-01T12:56:00.001+04:00

After leaving Kursk at 17.33 sharp on the express train from Harkov to St. Petersburg, we had a (surprisingly) relaxed and fun 16-hour journey - which we were really afraid of before the journey

Me: Oh my God, 16 hours? What are we going to do?

Arveen: Yaloh, what are we going to do? Any ideas?

Me: Did you bring some playing cards? Or anything that can keep us company throughout the journey?

Arveen: No lar..

Me: Sigh. Nevermindlah.

Instead of sulking in boredom, we had a great time - sipping black tea with milk, with boxes of juice and a whole assortment of sweet delights. I loved the sugar-coated gingerbread we bought in Metro:

So how did we spend the 16 hours on the train coupee? Eat, talk, laugh, take some pictures, eat some more, drink a little bit more, chit-chat, and more chit-chat then slept off at midnight...then woke up at 8 a.m. the next morning. We reached St. Petersburg at 10.27 a.m. (I have to give it to them, the trains in Russia are very punctual!)

So from the train station, we took the metro to Nevskij Prospekt, where our lodging is located. A brisk walk past 3 bustops and finally we arrived at Hostel Zimmer Nice, a small, quaint but simply a lovely spot in the heart of St. Petersburg.

So, this place is like a modern apartment, with bedrooms, a kitchen, 2 bathrooms, 2 toilets - all in satisfactory condition. Very cosy. Very well kept. Reasonably priced too for a city like St. Petersburg. And internet services are FOC *wink* - a good thing because things RARELY comes FOC in Russia.

While waiting for the group to freshen and dress up to take the city by storm (cheh - over a bit lah hahaha), I took advantage of the internet system to update the blog. And speaking of which - it is my turn to use the bathroom now!

[after approximately 30 minutes...]

Okay, now everyone is dressed up and ready to hit the streets of St. Petersburg in style!

First stop
Kazansky Cathedral

Actually I don't really dig much the museums and historical aspects of anything - I only loved the architecture, the style, the look of the buildings. And that is it.

I was more attracted to this:

OOH - shopping! But unfortunately I can't do any shopping at the moment because my primary priority is to escort Mr. Kanoo & Mrs. Matilda around, to wherever they wanted to be. So maybe later when they are resting in the room, me and Arveen are going to hit the shopping spots.

Emergency Getaway to St. Petersburg

2009-09-29T02:09:00.000+04:00

Once I opened a fortune cookie on Facebook (duh - now life revolves around Facebook for no understandable reason) that said something about going somewhere in a rush and I should be prepared for it.

I think the cookie's prophecy came true today.

Today, suddenly I was told that my best buddy and I had to go to St. Petersburg TOMORROW (wow - now that's quite an emergency decision!) to accompany our university agent and his wife on their Russian sightseeing trip. Then after that, we are to bring them to Moscow and send them off at Domodedovo International Airport, then lastly make our way back home to Kursk.

What is interesting about this emergency getaway is:

1. It is an all-expense paid trip for two - including transport, accommodation, and food!

2. It is a 6D/7N trip!

3. Both of us got the permission letters from the Dean of Foreign Affairs to skip classes without having to do replacement classes for classes that we are going to miss!

4. The travel destination is St. Petersburg - the most beautiful city in Russia!

5. A chance to go SHOPPING!

Anyway - I haven't packed my bags yet, as I have trouble with it all the time. I want to travel light, but I always ended up carrying a lot more than what I need - which I will realize only halfway in the trip. But I just plan to bring a duffle bag and a tote bag with me. I will most probably be bringing back home some shopping trophies from there, so I'd better make some room in my bags.

I do not know what to expect when I reach there, but I googled for St. Petersburg, and I got a sneak peek of what we might encounter during the trip:

Seriously, I have no idea what these buildings are all about. Later I will be there myself, and I'll take my own pictures then!

When Hunger Strikes

2009-09-28T01:56:00.000+04:00

MY SITUATION

It is 1.32 a.m.

I am hungry, and my stomach is growling.

I have no drinkable water.

MY PROBLEM

I try not to eat after 7 p.m.

Even if I wanted to cook, the stove is out of order.

And so is the kettle.

SOLUTION

Just eat - or else risk a sleepless night.

Make a salad out of random stuff in the fridge.

No need to drink after eating the salad - it is moist enough.

The Desperado Salad

You will need:

2 tomatoes

1 cucumber

1/2 green bell pepper

4 crab sticks

A sizeable amount of light mayonnaise

1 tbsp white balsamic vinegar

Some oregano, marjoram, garlic granules, black pepper, and dried basil leaves

Salt and sugar to taste

Method:

Easy. Wash all veggies. Dice. Put in bowl. Do the same with the crab sticks. Put in vinegar. Pour the mayonnaise until it coats everything nicely. Add zest with spices and salt and sugar. Enjoy.

Preparation time:

Depends on how fast you dice them raw ingredients. I took about 5 minutes to get it all done.

A Shopaholic's Success!

2009-09-26T00:31:00.000+04:00

Success: Bought this nice dark purple viscose scarf at Terranova earlier for 399 roubles. Would look nice with my gray Cedarwood trench coat. Or my maroon C2CLook trench coat. OWNED!!!

Success: Bought this sleek green viscose scarf also from Terranova for 399 roubles. Looks good in most of my autumn/winter apparel - especially my O'STIN army green coat. OWNED!!!

Next Mission:

Which one of these Francesco Donni bags I should buy?

1. Canvas Duffle bag, 1690 roubles.

2. Leather Tote bag, 1790 roubles.

3. Hard Canvas Portfolio bag, 1790 roubles.

OH NO. The shopping craze has just begun...O_o

The future of my Winter Ultimate Shopping Spree in Central Europe is somewhat uncertain.

Mediocrity

2009-09-25T01:22:00.000+04:00

Mediocrity. Is it really insulting? (picture courtesy of Flickr.com)

[MEDIOCRITY]

The quality of being not very good, just acceptable but not very good.

I was chatting with a friend today. We talked about random stuff. We talked about him. We talked about me. Then a little bit more about me. Then it was about me, again. He said that I was very talented. He said I was a jack-of-all-trades.

Now, I haven't heard this of word in ages.

A jack-of-all-trades all-in-one gift hamper.

The jack-of-all-trades is naturally a person who is capable of doing a wide variety of tasks, as they possess a multitude of such skills which enables them to do so.

Oh. WOW. That's great.

Suddenly it struck me that MAYBE this jack-of-all-trades is not so much of a good thing after all. PERHAPS he is CAPABLE of doing a wide variety of tasks, but not really GOOD at neither one of them?

Then I reviewed myself. I am quite sure that I am capable of carrying out a wide variety of tasks, and employ certain skills which not all might have - but I found out that I wasn't good enough in any of them.

I am an average student - never the Genius Mathematician.

I am an average musician - never the modern day Mozart.

I am an average cook - never the next Chef Gordon Ramzay.

I am an average athlete - never in a league with Roger Federer.

I am an average person - never the twin of Brad Pitt.

I live an average lifestyle - never second to Bill Gates.

I am very much an AVERAGE ACHIEVER.

So does that mean I am just MEDIOCRE?

Bummer. I never wanted to be mediocre. I've always wanted to be one of the best - at least in one field. Sports. Education. Social. Is it too much to ask? Maybe. Then I thought further:

Some people are born filthy RICH - but might look unattractive, or even slightly retarded.

Some people are born to be GENIUSES - but live a poor life and looks undesirable.

Some people are blessed with GOOD LOOKS - but unfortunately a bit slow in thinking and dirt poor.

Sometimes if they are better off, they'd have 2 out of the 3 desirable qualities.

Lucky ones get all 3.

How about those who gets average scores for all 3? Not so good, but not so bad either. A bit undecisive here. Although you don't get the high-ranked priviledges, you won't get to hit the bottom of the drain either.

So, is it okay to settle for MEDIOCRITY?

*will be continued*

What I wish for Christmas...no - I want it ASAP!

2009-09-24T17:25:00.000+04:00

I was so relieved when it was finally the end of my insanely boring Gynae class today. My grouppies were all hyped up about the 50% discount offer on the pork meat in Billa. So me and my best bud decided to check it out - and maybe we will be having some nice steak tonight.

Unfortunately, it seems that the hot offer was so hot - that all the meat on offer was all long gone by the time we reached Billa. I guess a mob of dedicated housewives stormed the place earlier and snatched up each and every bit of meat that was there.

Oh well, since we are here in the Pushkin Mall - might as well go window shopping at all the designer shops around. Maybe we could find a good bargain or two.

When we entered Francesco Donni, I saw a really really REALLY smashing mini-duffle bag. It looks somehow like the Burberry Warwick Bag - only cheaper :)

Should I buy that bag or not?

But it costs 1790 roubles which is about RM200+.

Aargh - it is hard being a shopaholic!

Running Late for Lecture

2009-09-24T04:23:00.000+04:00

Recently, I have the strange knack of waking up exactly A MINUTE before my alarm sets off in the morning. I woke up for a few times at 7.29 a.m. Then I would wait for the alarm to ring, only to shut it off and then most probably continue sleeping, or just lying pointlessly on the bed, daydreaming - AGAIN. Usually if I fell back asleep, I would wake up the next 15 minutes or so - thanks to my secondary backup alarm at 7.45 a.m.

BUT TODAY IT WAS A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT STORY.

Woke up as usual, at 7.29 a.m. Waited for the alarm to ring. Shut it off. Laid pointlessly on the bed, daydreaming. Fell back asleep. WOKE UP AT 8.30 a.m.

And I have Gynaecology lecture at 9 a.m.

(Usually I don't go for boring morning lectures e.g. Epidemiology (useless), Paediatrics (lecture was practically non-existent since 2-3 years ago, as everyone got the lecture handouts), Dermatology (same case as Paeds.) Social Medicine (crappy) and some others...)

Gynaecology is a bit different. It is A BIT exciting compared to the aforementioned lectures - although I hate this subject. And I hate the Head of Department. She is an EVIL BITCH. Whenever her name was mentioned, it was somehow synonymous to titles such as The Witch, The Bitch, The Crazy Lady, and the list goes on and on and on...she is just plain psycho.

I got on her wrong edge once, where I was BLAMED for sleeping in her lecture (Hello, its the person beside me who was trying hard not to appear sleeping! She could just have painted fake eyes on her eyelids.) But then not long after that I was CAUGHT (my bad) "illegally photographing" her lecture slides. She shouted at me and cried foul for infringement of her copyrights to the lecture material (Hello, I knew that you copied the information from some other sources - because the slides were written in PERFECT ENGLISH. And how does your gramatically- and phonetically-challenged Russianized English match up to your allegedly "copyrighted slides"? It is not even THAT close (emphasizing the distance between my thumb and my forefinger)

Okay, so I have been a little bit emotional just now. So - where was I? Oh yeah, I woke up late at 8.30 a.m. So I did my best to take a bath, dress and groom up in 30 minutes (which I kept on thinking was personally impossible) although my best timing was 42 minutes and 34 seconds. So miraculously, I did it in about 25 minutes. HOORAY, new personal record. (thanks to the swept back hairstyle which took only minutes to complete.) So I was set to go at 8.55 a.m. As I was getting ready to go, another problem surfaced.

WHERE IS MY HOUSE KEY?!?!?!

Arrgh. Things are never there when you really need them, and when you don't exactly have much time to go treasure hunting for them. Sigh. Arrgh. Nevermind. Hope my roomies are in the room when I go back home later. Thanks to that ridiculous key-hunting event, I wasted another 5 minutes of my precious time - which I could have used to hightail my sorry late ass to lecture.

So, I hurried...

Hurried past a traffic jam across the street (luckily I have moved to a place nearby the University - so traffic jams are a thing of the past now)...

But I had to run up a few flights of stairs in the main corpus still...

And at last I reached the door of the lecture hall.

Okay. Deep breath. Regain composure. Straighten coat and scarf. Open the door...and OH NO. Is that HER voice? The Evil Witch's voice? She is giving the lecture for today?????

NOOOOOOOOOO~~~~!!!!!

And I'm nearly 15 minutes late. Ah well, I might as well just go back home and do something else rather than to attempt suicide by trying to enter the hall when SHE is the lecturer and I am terribly late for her lecture. There goes my attendance mark - into the drain!

Well, at least I can take the slow walk back home :)

p/s: I DESPISE YOU, EVIL BITCH.

Unproductive Day

2009-09-21T22:22:00.000+04:00

Today is another unproductive day by my standards. I could have done at least something, anything that has a significant amount of benefits, but NO - I did not do anything at all. Hence, the term UNPRODUCTIVE. So, as I sit UNPRODUCTIVELY at my table, I started to day-dream (which I do so often now and then) about a lot of stuff. First thing that comes to mind is about the upcoming practical exams - how I wished that the hospital was blown away by the chilly autumn wind so that I do not have to take that exam. Or I could polymorph the examiner into a monkey.

Then suddenly I thought of the nice lavender pashmina scarf I saw last Sunday in Terranova. Oh and also the other black arab scarf. Only 399 roubles each item! Should I buy it or not? I need to spice up my wardrobe for this season - are scarves the right choice? Or perhaps I should find a new trench coat? Hmm. Yet to find the latter. Sigh~

[Oh purple pashmina scarf, how I adore you...how I long for you to be wrapped around my neck and draped across my chest...]

[Oh black Arab scarf, how I adore thee as well! The rough but warm feeling of you around me is so inviting, how I want you to be among my most adored items!]

Enough shopping for me if I wanted to enjoy myself in Central Europe in the winter. I hope I can contain my shopping urges until then. But, its HARD - argh, NOOOOOO!

Then as I stared at my wall, I realized how cluttered it was with ALL KINDS OF STUFF I collected from all around the world; postcards, shopping tags, pictures, a bronze athletics medal - all arranged around my prized lucky Adidas poster. In a way it looked somehow creative, colorful and messy - which practically screams ME. No wonder my friends said that just by looking at my wall and my table, people can really REALLY judge who am I. Hey- I thought judging others was a sin?

[Just a small portion of my personal paraphernalia on the table. Spray, mousse, cream, gel, gum, wax, clay...you name it I've got them all! Just look at the amount of chemicals that I load upon my hair. If they had voices, they'd probably be screaming their roots off by now.]

Oh crap. When will I be freed from non-productivity?

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri

2009-09-19T03:08:00.000+04:00

Wishing all Muslims in the whole world a happy Eid al-Fit'r especially to all Malaysians.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir Batin.

Being far away from Malaysia for Raya or any other big festive occasion really strikes me with self pity. How is it that I am attending classes on a National Holiday??? While everyone else is enjoying the holidays back at home, I am here doing what everyone else are NOT SUPPOSED TO DO. Sigh.

This however, taught me a valuable lesson - which I have, for countless times already, learnt through I wade across the waters of life.

NEVER TAKE THINGS FOR GRANTED.

Yes, never take things for granted - no matter how big, nor how small the thing maybe. Once you are not able to experience it any more, you will start to think about how good it felt when it was still there. Same thing goes for Hari Raya. It used to be just "another holiday" back in Malaysia, but since living here in Europe, I kind of miss all the good times.

Top 5 things I like about Hari Raya:

1. You get at least 2 days of holidays.

A good time to get the family to gather together. I don't get much time with my family because everyone is busy with their work and studies. Now, come to think of it - I kind of regret the fact that I didn't make much effort to spend time with my family whenever opportunity arises.

2. You can go and eat free food at people's open houses.

Whenever I go out beraya, I will usually target the houses which serve lemang and beef rendang with lots and lots of kuih raya. How do I do that? I'd call in earlier and asked about the menu offered! LOL.

3. I get to see people get dressed up (finally) in fashion-disaster-stricken Malaysia.

Malaysia, in my opinion is one of a country stricken with the fashion disaster syndrome. I don't think the population in making a commendable effort in trying to look good and appealing. So during festivities, this condition usually self-alleviates as a small percentage of the nation dresses up to celebrate the big day.

4. I get to wear my baju melayu without looking ridiculous - it's my favourite national costume!

I have a myriad of national costumes in my wardrobe - but my definite favourite is the baju melayu cekak musang. It is very light and comfortable, elegant if worn with a matching samping songket, and no matter how fugly a guy is - he will get extra points for wearing it!

5. I get duit raya!

Besides getting free food from the open houses which I went to - I also got some pocket money! Like the hong bao, it is also presented in small paper packs, but it is green in color. Who cares about the packaging anyway - I'm more concerned with the contents of it!

10 Reasons To Have Sex (With My Boyfriend) - No pun intended.

2009-09-17T22:10:00.000+04:00

Today while eating I found out that I ran out of mineral water. Drats. So I grabbed my cellphone and wallet, and gingerly got up from my seat which I have been warming for the past hour. I have to go to the kiosk downstairs to buy one. As I got down the stairs, I saw there were a few peculiar paper pamphlets lying curiously on the windowsill. A closer look got me shocked:

10 Reasons To Have Sex (With My Boyfriend)

I'm Afraid I'll Lose Him...I Can't Bear That

Whoa. SHOCKING. Now sex is so openly publicized? Why I did not know about it?

Then I quickly grabbed both of the pamphlets and immediately ran to the lift. I'll read them on the way.

Written inside were the ultimate 10 reasons to have sex (with my boyfriend) - no pun intended LOL.

1. Besides, everyone's doing it.

2. I enjoy sex.

3. I like that it gives me control.

4. Sex makes me feel loved and attractive.

5. I'm in love. He's the only one for me.

6. It brings us close together.

7. We've dated a long time. It's the next step.

8a. He will break up with me if I don't - he says if "I Love Him" I'll do it.

8b. He cannot control himself, he was made that way and must have sex - it's either me or someone else.

9. I owe it to him.

10. It's not that big a deal.

O-okay. Right. Whoever wrote this must be freaking disturbed. Hey - there were 11 reasons altogether! Number 8 is a repeat!
Main tipu. Cakap tadi ada 10. But seriously - are these real reasons?

Well, if I were to rephrase these "reasons" to a personal perspective:

1. Doesn't mean I am doing it because Besides, everyone's doing it.

2. I enjoy sex better if I get an orgasm.

3. I like that it gives makes me lose control.

4. Sex makes me feel loved and attractive. tired and a dirttttttty.

5. I'm in love. He's the only one for me - for now. Dunno bout later though.

6. It brings us lose together into one another.

7. No matter whether if We've dated a long time or not. It's almost always the first, if not the next step.

8a. He will not break up with me if I don't - he says if "I Love Him" I'll do it eventually.

8b. He cannot control himself, he was made that way and must have sex - it's either has to be me or and someone nobody else.

9. I want to do owe to him .

10. It's not that big a deal - hello, you are stark naked for God's sake!

Ooh - I'M BAD. no, WICKED!

But as I read further, the pamphlet is all about NOT DOING sex (with your boyfriend - p/s: i like the bracket concept, it is like somehow pointing towards something *wink* LOL.) before marriage.

Ohh...that is why. Only now I know better loh. Takpelah....

1Malaysia: Good Slogan + Lame Execution = Bad Impression?

2009-09-12T14:50:00.000+04:00

I guess everyone who considers him/herself a Malaysian should now be more than familiar with this revolutionary phrase:

1Malaysia

Pencapaian Diutamakan, Rakyat Didahulukan.

Which translates into "One Malaysia. People first. Performance now."

Well, and I am sure that everyone who considers him/herself a Malaysian should ALSO know that it brings up mixed reactions:

Mr. A: I sapot lah the government if like this. Hidup 1Malaysia.

Mrs. B: Very pretentiouslah this slogan. I tak nak lah.

Miss C: Wei, like this kenot wor...must support government de.

Mr.D : Ei kawan, what is this lah? Aiyoo...where got 1Malaysia? Always will berat sebelah one...

Mr. E: No bah. The kerajaan will tolong all the rakyat bah kan? Then we all aramai iti lah!

Miss F: Nadailah...bulak nyak government!

But I am not surprised that something that was meant purely for good intentions could escalate to something extreme such as:

Okay...this is a bit over lah. Scary. Some are a little bit funny:

Alamak...tiba-tiba Mongolia pulak. Now we are promoting Mongolia as well?

Speaking of Mongolia...

Who could now forget the beautiful Altantuya Shaariibu? (And for those Russian-educated this is her name in Mongolian: Шаарийбуугийн Алтантуяа) Kesian her kena bom to pieces. She could have been a strong candidate to represent Mongolia to Miss Universe. Sad, so sad.

Thanks to the media, not only we got to know about the the girl who was literally non-existent before (I mean, no one knew about her at all before her death. Then suddenly she was all over the place, sometimes found even in the inside part of a nasi lemak newspaper packaging.) - but also about some other people , i.e. a missing Indian man? an allegedly murdered chinese man? It's surprising that I know these people much more than I know my neighbour! I didn't even know my neighbour bought a new car! I'd have to agree one thing though - news travels fast.

Those were what the adults are saying. One question - have you ever thought of what the children has to say about 1Malaysia? A young artist has his/her own point of view.

And this is what the artist commented on his/her own picture:

"This is a pic which I draw to enter my school's 'Hari Kebangsaan' competition. For your information, 'Hari Kebangsaan' is Malaysia's national day. Furthermore, the word '1 Malaysia' in the pic is my country's latest slogan. This competition is compulsary for all the students in my school."

Aww. So innocent. So cute. Poor thing the artist doesn't know anything that is happening in the country nowadays as it is not exactly as peaceful as depicted in the picture. Ignorance is bliss. Sigh.

So - what now? 1Malaysia? Personally I like the concept. It's catchy. It's urm, practical. And it's marketable! Don't believe me? Take a look at this Frenchman's own rendition of his understanding of 1Malaysia:

This is what I call rakyat didahulukan, pencapaian diutamakan.
Why? This Frenchman opened the eatery to dahulukan food service to the rakyat, and at the same time he utamakan his financial pencapaian.
Agree?

Whatever it is, it is up to everyone actually to decide what does 1Malaysia means.
But I am sure that EVERYONE will surely agree if I tagged 1Malaysia as a GOOD SLOGAN but POORLY EXECUTED.

And for the record, I would like to say that the 1Malaysia concept are actually perfectly grasped by our sesame-street watching generation. Maybe we could learn a thing or two from them :)

Crossing my fingers to a better future for Malaysia.

Eating Me Alive

2009-09-11T01:27:00.000+04:00

Recently I did something wrong.

Terribly wrong.

I knew it was wrong from the start.

But I couldn't help but to ignore my moral conscience and to just go forward.

Now the guilt settles in.

And it is eating me alive...

Eating Me Alive

Words and Music by Maksim Markusevich

My conscience tells me so,

But I refused to admit,

I didn't want to let go,

But it's eating away at me, bit by bit...

I thought I've made a promise,

But how could my heart chose to refuse,

Now I'm in such a big crisis,

I know I have to pay my dues...

Digging deep,

Deep down inside,

Whether I'm awake or asleep,

It's eating me up alive...

Deep, going deep,

The more I lied, the more I cried,

To myself I can no longer keep,

It hurts, it eats me alive...

They thought I had it easy,

But I was putting up a front,

And there's no one else to blame but me,

So it is me I need to confront...

It hurts...it hurts...it hurts...

It hurts as I could only whisper voiceless words,

And my cries go unheard...

I wish to You I surrendered,

Long ago before I was captured,

I hope it's not too late as I struggled then stumbled and stood but staggered,

In You I try to find peace and comfort...

Digging deep,

Deep down inside,

Whether I'm awake or asleep,

It's eating me up alive,

So so deep,

I tried, I cried, but I still lied,

To myself I can no longer keep,

It hurts, I'm living a lie,

It hurts, it's eating me up alive...

Black Roses: Chapter II

2009-09-10T19:56:00.000+04:00

Chapter II

“Milton, Milton! Hey, are you listening to me? Milton?”

That familiar voice startled Milton, snapped him back to reality.

“Oh, yes. I’m fine. Never been better,” replied a dumbfounded Milton as he ran his hands across his table, making a mess of the papers stacked on his table.

“What’s wrong, Mil? You’ve been so detached lately. Anything disturbing you? Sometimes I wonder what is going inside that head of yours,” said the familiar female voice. “One of these days, I’m going to knock some sense into you, Mil. Whatever it takes to make you stay focused. You are slowly losing it…”

“I’m fine Mag! Just that I’m a little bit occupied lately, that’s all…” Milton retaliated.

“Occupied? With what?”

Milton stared at the frowning woman looking at him. It was Magdalene. She is one of his best friends. She is his co-worker at the firm he is currently working in. They have known each other for 4 years since they both joined the firm at the same time. Magdalene knew everything about him, and Milton knew everything about her. Well, almost everything.

“Forget about it, Mil. Lets go out and have lunch; I’m not so in love with our local cafeteria – they serve the same food almost everyday!” Mag complained as she rummaged through her handbag for her cell phone.

“Why were you here again, Mag?” a confused Milton questioned her.

“Why? Well, isn’t it obvious? I’m bringing you out on a lunch date, silly!” Magdalene giggled, as she grabbed Milton’s arm and dragged him out from his comfy chair and led him straight out of his office.

“Where are we going?” said Milton, as he struggled to keep up the pace behind Magdalene.

“It’s a surprise, Mil. Just wait and see. I know you’re going to love it!” Mag replied confidently, with a cheeky grin, as they entered the lift.

“Okay, lead the way Miss Know-It-All! And you’re driving!” Milton exclaimed.

And with that, Magdalene whizzed through a crowd of people waiting in front of the lift as it opened on the ground floor, and a poor Milton had to bump into several people in Magdalene’s wake. Boy, this woman has some spunk! – Milton whispered to himself.

As soon as they reached the car park, Magdalene quickly opened the car, got into the car, started the engine, fastened her seat belt, and adjusted the mirrors – all in less than a minute.

“You coming?” Magdalene shouted from inside the car.

Without even answering, Milton immediately got in the car, and before he even closed the door – Magdalene was already reversing the car.

“What’s the big hurry? Geez, Mag! Tell me! You seem extremely excited – what’s going on?” Milton demanded an answer. The truth is, he was a bit surprised and scared to see Magdalene in such a peculiar mood.

“I’m so excited, no, too excited – but I can’t tell you just yet. It’ll spoil the mood! I promised not to tell you until we reach there.” answered a smiling Magdalene.

“Promised? To whom? What kind of surprises do you have up your sleeve this time, Mag? It’s not even my birthday yet, and it’s not April Fool either. And it’s not your birthday too, so…”

“Just shut up, Milton Myers! Did you know that you can be so annoying at times? Just sit down calmly and relax. Oh, and you need to straighten up your necktie. You want to look good later, trust me.” Magdalene snapped in just before Milton could even finish his sentence. Milton looked down on his tie and saw how crooked it was. Thanks to that abrupt exit from the firm, not to mention bumping into some innocent bystanders – he thought, as he straightened up his tie.

Milton slowly sank into his usual daydreaming trances – what is going on today? Magdalene was in an awfully good mood. Usually she is no more enthusiastic than your old tabby cat, which spends most of his time basking lazily under the sun. The only thing that usually throws her into overload is food. Not just any food. It has to be free food. FREE FOOD. However he had a gut feeling that no food joint in town is being extra generous as of today, he thought. Maybe she got an increase? Impossible. If she was going to get extra bucks, he was sure that he was going to be among the first to know about it. What else? Milton didn’t like the game of guessing. If it was morally right and civically sound, he would be extorting the answers from Magdalene right away. Maybe he would use Magdalene’s greatest fear against her, as a coercive force. Perhaps she will give in to him when he threatens her with a toy mouse. That thought alone provoked a slight giggle, as Milton imagines the probable consequences of such action.

“Mil, why are you laughing all of the sudden? What is so funny?” a curious Magdalene asked, looking outside the window as she maneuvered the car around the roundabout.

“Nothing. Simply.” Milton softly replied, with a smile.

“Mil, sometimes I just don’t understand what is going on in the silly head of yours.” Magdalene said bluntly.

“Well, for the record – you’ve said the same phrase twice already today.” Milton grumbled in response to her presumably condescending comment.

“You know Mag, I –“Milton’s words were cut short by his cell phone ringing.

“Nice ring tone you have there.” Magdalene remarked. It was Heidi Montag’s Body Language.

“Yes? No. Okay. Fine. No, I’m not going to be in until end of lunch hour. Emergency errands. Mag? Yes, she’s with me. Oh okay, no problems. Sure, I’ll tell her. Thanks Al. Hey, do you want anything from downtown? Since I am going there? Oh okay. Sure. See you around then. Bye.”

“Who was that?” Magdalene asked.

“It's Al from HR. He wanted to know whether I am still in my office. I guess he wanted to discuss about the upcoming Wize Project 2009. I was supposed to come up with a design theme to suit the whole thing. And Al wanted his ideas in too, although he was assigned to the human resource department,” Milton sighed, as he looked blankly to the outside view.

“Emergency errands?”

“Well, I don’t know what to make of our current situation. So I just told him I had emergency errands that need to be meted out A.S.A.P. Luckily he is not much of a nosey person, unlike some others.” Milton replied, with a slight giggle.

“And I heard my name being mentioned. What was that about?” Magdalene inquired.

“Oh, that. He said the materials you ordered from the publishing house have just arrived, and he sent those to your secretary – since your office was barred shut.” Milton answered non-chalantly.

“Wow – that’s good news! Now I can work on the advertising ad for the Wize Project. Well, I needed those since the boss wanted some specific “moments” incorporated into the ad.” Magdalene smirked.

“I hope you didn’t order something from Russia! God forbid, he will go berserk talking about motherlands and vodka!” Milton remarked, as both of them burst out in fits of laughter.

“Well Milton, here we are!” Magdalene said as she swerved the car into a parking lot, and the car came to a sudden halt.

“The Four Seasons? Are we having their lunch specials? I thought you said their appetizers were not appetizing at all, and I remember you said you despised their halibut in wine –“Milton said to Magdalene in a very surprised tone, before she butted in.

“No, we are not here for the lunch. Some people are expecting us here. You’ll be surprised!” Magdalene exclaimed, as she grabbed her cell phone and started to call somebody.

“Hey, we are here already. Where are you guys? Sweet. Let’s meet in the lobby then, and I have a clueless Milton tagging along. Yeah, sure. Okay then.” Magdalene put her cell phone back in her handbag and gestured to Milton.

“C’mon Mil, make it snappy. Snap-snap!” she said, as she snapped her fingers twice.

“Okay, I’m coming! Sheesh.” Milton grumbled.

Who could that be? Milton asked himself. He had no idea of whom is he going to expect at the lobby of that grand hotel. Maybe some big shot executive who is interested in my latest design projects, or maybe some major event organizers looking for the right design theme – who knows? A list of probable, or more correct to say – profitable people, raced across his mind like a bullet train whizzing through a tunnel.

Upon reaching the Four Season’s magnificent entrance, Milton and Magdalene were warmly greeted by doormen as they opened the doors for them.

“Surprise!!!”

Milton thought he heard the 2 distinctive yet familiar voices shouting from afar. Obviously they were not people from his imaginary list earlier.

“Oh. My. God.”

And Milton got the shock of his life. A pleasant shock, that is.

Black Roses

2009-09-06T19:44:00.000+04:00

Black Roses

Written by Maksim Markusevich

This is a story about 4 different people with different backgrounds brought together by a twist of fate. In time they discovered that they were leading complicated love lives: one was juggling multiple lovers at the same time, the other was struggling to maintain a long-distance relationship whilst secretly indulging physically with unknown people, another was dealing with unrequited love with a best friend, and the last one was having every imaginable problem jumbled up.

Black Roses: Chapter I

2009-09-06T19:39:00.001+04:00

Black Roses
Chapter I

“Milton, I want a second chance. Give me a second chance, please? I still want to be with you…”

Milton was shocked to hear that through the phone.

“I…I need time to consider this. It is too sudden. And I’m going to board the plane in 5 minutes.”

“I will wait for your answer, Milton. Do call me when you reach Johannesburg. Please. Call me, okay? I still love you, you know...”

“…Okay. I will call you. Take care, Anna.”

Milton pressed the red button and ended the call. Anna calling him months after their breakup, and of all times when he was about to board the plane to Johannesburg made Milton stop in his tracks. His mind was immediately stunned. Stunned by the memories of his past relationship with Anna. Why now? Why not yesterday? Why not 2 weeks earlier? The call certainly disturbed Milton to the point where he was practically standing still all alone in the departure hall.

“Sir, the plane is going to take off soon. You need to board the plane now. Do you have any problems, sir?” said the air steward politely, while gesturing Milton to go through the boarding gates.

“…Oh, yes. I mean, no problems. I am going to board the plane now. Thank you.” Milton replied back, while feeling inside his coat pockets for the boarding pass. Having found the boarding pass, he rushed towards the boarding counter and showed the pass to the boarding officials.

“Thank you, sir. Have a nice flight and safe journey.” the young, smiling, woman officer said to Milton as she handed over the pass over to him. Milton nodded and returned the smile, although not as enthusiastic as the woman did earlier, as he walked through the gates towards the aircraft.

“Mr. Milton Myers-Stevens, welcome aboard on the Royal KLM Airlines. Please, let me direct you to your seat. Do you want anything for now?” said a friendly steward by the name of Bjorn.

“Hm? Well, I do not wish for anything for now. Maybe later? Thank you so much.” Milton replied with a grin – but his mind was still in a muddled state.

“Certainly sir, anytime you wish for anything, just call upon us.” said Bjorn, as he helped Milton to load his hand luggage into the overhead compartment. With a smile and a slight gesture of politeness, he left to his station, as Milton was settling down into his seat. The plush cushion, the spacious seat, the refreshing scent of the air freshener – all were pampering and comforting enough for the other patrons of the 1st class flight. All except for Milton. He was still tense, worried, and his sigh became heavier and heavier with every breath he took.
__________________________________________________________

It all started in May 2006. Milton met Anna online. One thought the other was interesting, and so did the other. Their feelings were mutual. Everyday they would chat at least 2 hours. From just normal internet chat buddies, they brought their relationship to another level. They became more than just friends. But there was one problem. At that moment, Milton was already in another online relationship with Josephine, whom he met online earlier 2 weeks before finding Anna online. Or rather, Anna was the one who found him. At that moment Milton had to choose only one – being the man who believes in being faithful and who thought sharing was out of the option. He knew he was attached to Josephine, but he also knew that his heart was stolen by Anna in ways he never felt before. And Milton thought what life was without taking risks, and he also thought that when true love comes knocking on your door, you would be a total fool to leave the door unanswered.

So Milton decided to break up with Josephine, thinking that the earlier he did it, the better. Better hurt now than being hurt later, as the pain will be immensely magnified, he thought. But how to do it? This was his first relationship, and they had only been together for like 2 weeks. Maybe it’s not even a relationship to begin with, in that short period of time. So, Milton summoned all his courage, every bit, every piece of it and told Josephine that their relationship is not working out. Josephine was shattered by Milton’s sudden decision, and she wanted an explanation. And it better be good, she warned.

Milton was at a loss. Although he told Josephine the main part, he forgot about the small, intricate details that trailed behind the naked truth. He needed a reason for breaking up with her. He can’t say to Josephine that he has found another “true love”– it was out of the question. From his childhood years, Milton was taught that honesty is the best policy. But, he didn’t give in to honesty just yet. He resorted to the darker opposite of honesty: lies and deception. It was disgraceful and cowardly, he knew it very well – but he went on anyway with this plan of his. So, he told Josephine that he was “diagnosed with cancer”, and he was so “sad” with his miserable life, and he wouldn’t want to include Josephine in his “suffering battle against cancer”. Josephine, although young, had the mind of adult way beyond her years – she offered to stand by him until day’s end, and this troubled Milton even more.

After subsequent attempts to convince Josephine to just leave him and find someone else failed, Milton decided it was time to play aggressive. He shut Josephine out from his life. Just like that. He deleted her number from his phone. He removed her from his friends’ list in Friendster. He blocked her in Yahoo Messenger. He did everything possible to prevent her reaching out to him through every known communication ways. And he felt the pain of guilt ever since, until today.

But it was not long until he somehow forgotten the pain of being guilty, thanks to the loving tender affection that he received from Anna, Eventually both of them met face to face during Milton’s summer holidays, and that strengthened their love for each other even more. They spent 3 magical weeks together in London, everyday celebrating their sweet moments together. But that joy was short lived. Milton had to go back to New York to continue his studies. Anna too had to return to Paris – she was studying there. As they said their last goodbyes, they hugged each other so tightly at the airport, wearing their matching couple T-shirts – and that stirred up the ahhs and oohs of the airport officials who saw their love display. And off they went in their separate ways.

Everything went on smoothly since they were back on track with their studies. Long-distance relationship was a thing they could handle effortlessly. Daily chats, voice chats, emails, and SMSes was enough to keep the flame burning. Everything was fine. Until one day Milton met Vera at a charity event in downtown New York. The svelte Russian blonde swept Milton from his feet before she even said priviet. After that first acquaintance, Milton and Vera were constantly seen together around town. Milton slowly developed feelings for Vera without even noticing it coming. But Milton still was in love with Anna. Or was he? Slowly he started to find every fault with Anna, which he believed if they were present before – he was too “blinded by love” that he failed to notice them, he assured himself. But he hesitated to tell Anna. Perhaps the time was not right yet.

On one fateful winter night, apparently the “right” time surfaced itself. Milton was a bit tipsy that night, thanks to a few shots of vodka. Seeing Milton in that unpredictable situation, Vera decided to send Milton home. As he reached home, vodka-charged Milton was feeling courageous. He felt he had the courage to confront Anna and he wanted to tell Anna the whole truth. So, he reached for his cell phone, browsed through the contacts list and found the name Anna Isabella Sorano. Without hesitation, he pressed the green button and the moment he heard Anna’s cheerful voice, he blurted out everything. Every single thing, The truth that hurts. Then to his surprise, Anna retaliated by confessing that she actually had a fling with his best friend, Harvey. Milton didn’t know what to make of it. Be relieved that she actually was experiencing the same dilemma that he is having? Or be disappointed that she was being unfaithful behind him? Or should he be mad with Harvey for betraying his trust? All those myriad of feelings made Milton numb, He didn’t feel a thing anymore. He didn’t know what to do. How to react? He didn’t know. There was only one thing in his mind – to run away. To press the red button again, like he did to Josephine. History is going to repeat itself, he whispered to himself. With that, he pressed the red button slowly. Call ended.

The next day, Milton realized his mistake. He tried calling Anna. She didn’t pick up. After several futile attempts, he decided to just write to her an email explaining everything in detail. He kept on checking his mail ever so frequently, just to check whether Anna has replied to his dire S.O.S. Her reply only came in a few days later. A confused Anna tried her best to reply to Milton’s email, but clearly her confused mind got the better of her. Milton couldn’t understand what she was trying to say, Finally, the both of them decided to step back, and conceal themselves from each other, as time heals them. Milton continued his life as normal, still very much attached to Vera. Only God knows what Anna was going through during that difficult period.

After a few months, Milton found out that Anna actually was in a relationship long before their first meeting at the charity dinner. He was shocked to know that she was romancing with his colleague at the university – a senior by the name of Daniel. It is too late to realize that he is now caught up in a nasty love triangle. After engaging in a furious exchange of word within the triangle, Milton decided to back out – thinking that Daniel was the first one who got Vera, thus he had more right to be with her. So a defeated Milton went back home and slumped on his sofa. While scanning across the room, he caught the sight of a picture of Anna in the corner of his eye. Anna! Oh dear Anna! He immediately grabbed his cell phone and straightaway called his beloved Anna. He asked for her forgiveness. He begged her to give him a second chance. He promised to not do the same mistake again. He still remembers her reply until today.

“Once done, it is already done. Once done, you might do it again in the future. Once done, it cannot be undone.”

She didn’t even say I will think about it.
She was so straightforward about it.
Milton was devastated.
Maybe this was her breaking up with me, he thought as a tear rolled down his cheek.
__________________________________________________________

“Sir, would you like the steak sirloin or the seafood hors de’ouvre?”, asked the stewardess. She startled a day-dreaming Milton, snapping him out of his imaginary drama scene.

“Oh, it is time for lunch already?” replied Milton with his cheeky smile. “I’ll have the seafood-hors-whatever-you-call-it, please. I was never a big fan of steak anyway.”

“Alright, sir. Here you go, sir. Any drinks with that, sir?”

“Hmm…how about an icy glass of fruit punch? Do you have that on the menu?”

“Yes, we do, sir. Please wait for a minute, I will get that done for you.”

“Thank you, err – Belinda,” Milton said, coyly looking at her nametag. “Sorry for the trouble.”, he said further, with a smile.

“It is not a problem, sir. Glad to be of service. Please excuse me." Belinda replied, as the made her way towards the back of the aircraft.

Milton said grace, and he slowly enjoyed his lunch as he enjoyed the view of the dancing wispy white clouds upon the background of the vast blue sky.

“Another 8 hours more to go,” Milton sighed, as he chewed on a piece of scallop.

Inching Closer to Becoming a Real Doctor

2009-08-14T11:19:00.000+04:00

This is me in a stereotypical get-up of your standard medical officer.

Only now, as I sit quietly in front of my trusty laptop (although it occasionally gets the "white screen" syndrome), I got to realize a few things. Earlier today, knowing that my elective posting at Keningau District Hospital is officially ending this week, I walked cheerfully towards Mr. Pengarah's secretary and asked her for my official completion letter, stating that I've successfully underwent 6 weeks of up-to-date. much needed practical training for my working years. Then, I wondered - what did I achieve this year? In fact, this year was the most fruitful year of all.

3 weeks interning under the Internal Medicine Department, and another 3 weeks under the Obstetrics & Gynaecology Department was an exciting experience. As a medical student, having hands on knowledge, although just a tiny morsel, was a big boost to my confidence level as an aspiring medical officer.

Being with the Internal Medicine Department, I got the chance to be a real doctor doing daily rounds. Why, I even had my OWN patients! I admitted them into the ward, took their history, and even arranged investigation to be done, and proposed a plan of management. I also had the chance to do random procedures - venesection, setting up the branulla + IV line, digital examination per rectum, and a LOT of injections. Of course I met with a lot of difficulties along the way, made errors here and there, but I was really thankful to have such a supportive environment there in the ward. especially to Dr. Rajan and Dr. Izdihar - learning was really a wonderful experience. I learnt one valuable thing while I was interning there - not everything goes according to the books. I learnt that some matters can only be solved by experience. So I shouldn't worry about that for now, as I still am a medical student, who still needs to refer to the books.

Working at the Internal Medicine Consultant Clinic gave me another edge, where I got to deal with follow-up patients. I shared a table with Dr. Florence, where the both of us would take cases one by one, review the patients as they sat beside us and prescribe them the neccesary medications. I got the experience to fill in the case notes, do routine examinations, fill in forms, and writing prescriptions. Thanks to her, I learnt a lot.

Want some blood? Let's transfuse some for Thalassaemia A patients.

At the O&G Department, I was initially lost. I really had no idea where to start, and what to do even. But with the help of Dr. Angela and her dedicated team at the Labour Room, to date, I have the experience of handling 5 vaginal deliveries + placenta deliveries, and 3 ARM procedures using amniotomy hooks. I witnessed too how they did episiotomy repairs in 2 of the patients. Also, for a medical student it is quite rare I think for us to be doing VE's. But I did 2 VE's. I also got to feel how the os cervix dilates prior to giving birth. Not much, you would say - but for me, it was a GREAT START. As a student from a foreign medical institution, getting acquainted with how things are done in your homeland i.e. the place where you are going to end up working is an experience you should never miss.

Let's see...how to operate the CTG machine again?

Okay this is how the cervix should dilate...10 cm? That's mighty big.

What I learnt this year not only adds to my medical knowledge, but also boosts my self-confidence and enhances my social skills. Why? Well, I firmly belive (and it was tested and proven hehe) thatin order for a student to be doing stuff that I did - he/she must HAVE/BE the 4 P's:

PATIENCE, PERSEVERANCE, PROACTIVE, & PLEASANT.

I will tell you why.

PATIENCE: You will get scolded always. Your lack of knowledge will be ridiculed by your supervisor. You cannot complete some tasks in time, or in a particular manner. You will get annoying patients. You will have some people not liking you. You will feel tired standing the whole day.

PERSEVERANCE: You will feel you need to catch up fast if you want to do more procedures. You will feel the need to work hard to gain the approval and acknowledgement of your team with whom you are working with.

PROACTIVE: You have to know what is going on around you. You will have the desire to attend to most of the cases. You have to keep yourself updated at all times. You need to be alert at all times.

PLEASANT: You have to be friendly, cooperative, and respectful to EVERYBODY around you - supervisors, HODs, MOs, HOs, Matrons, Sisters, Nurses, Support Services and most importantly - your PATIENTS.

All that I have written above are only but a tiny, small part of what the future has in store for us - not only doctors, but to everyone: teachers, engineers, scientists, pilots, and so much more. I hope everyone can benefit at least a little bit from what I have shared here today because I think its a piece of a real-life experience worth sharing.

Journey Back Home

2009-07-01T17:57:00.000+04:00

On the 26th of June 2008, I left Kursk at last for my summer holidays. I was happy that I was finally coming back home. The only funny thing was - this year felt so fast. I mean, from September 2007 - June 2008 felt just like a breeze. I felt as if I started my 4th year just a few days ago, then in a flicker of an eye - hey, its time to go home already!

Well, although the thought of being at home made me excited to a near-orgasm point, the reality of the 2-day journey back home from Moscow to Kota Kinabalu made me shudder. No, I was not referring to the "no-toilet-in-the-bus" dilemma, but more like the "oh-no-i-shall-not-be-bathing-for-2-days" dilemma. Sigh, all the stickiness and dirt on the skin....ugh. YUCK. But you know as wise men said, NO PAIN NO GAIN. So there I was...in the bus, starting my epic journey home.

Now, just look at the green fields! They're just spread all over the Russian countryside, untouched. So serene was the view, and breathtaking - enought to compel me to get down the bus and start taking pictures here and there. And the sun was just nice, not too bright, not too hot - just NICE.

Okay, now after the agonizing 7 hour bus ride from Kursk to Moscow, we finally reached Domodedovo International Airport. Here, we saw some asian-looking youths wearing surgical masks and we decided they are the kiasu Malaysian students from other parts of Russia. Might be that they are too kiasu up to the point that they started wearing the masks starting from NOW itself. Oh well, we decided to only wear our masks when we touch down in Bangkok 10 hours later. We don't want to be looked upon as wierdos or anything LOL.

At Domodedovo Int'l Airport - life takes a different pace. Everybody seems to be rushing, to and fro - but on their faces rarely I see traces of stress and worry. Maybe everyone is excited to get to another new place, or going back home or stuff like that. Oh look, there's a cool ad on the ceiling - the word GO is made up of items arranged like a picture collage or something. Just look at the queue - now THAT is what I call busy. This will take forever, just to check in.

On board the Thai Airways flight, we sank our tired bottoms into the plush colorful seats. Ahh, at last we are another step closer to coming back home. I just love the air-cond inside the aircraft, its such a contrast to the hot summer air outside. We were looking forward to the meals later lol - oh, and not forgetting the in-flight entertainment. After browsing through the media menu - I found the movie that I really wanted to watch since my winter trip to the UK. I didn't get to watch "He's Not So Into You" while I was in Birmingham. So I'm definitely going to watch this first! Then next...well - what else do they have in store? Hmmm - "The Legend of Chun Li"? Okay and the last one ... I'm just taking a wildcard - "The Race to Witch Mountain". Okay these three movies shall keep me entertained for the freaking 10 hours. Oh yeah, and the food was great by the way :)

This is one of the lovely stewardesses on board - she asked if she could take a picture with me :) Of course, it was a pleasure to do so. And just look at the colorful interior of the aircraft - isn't that a lovely sight?

WOW - the food was amazing. I don't really remember what the menu was - all i know it was white rice with stewed pork, some pickled veggies with yoghurt cake and the tasty little croissant - with a mini Caesar Salad! Oh, and not forgetting the generous splash of apple juice! (I got extra refills everytime, thanks to the lovely stewardess :P)

So...after the 10 hours of sitting on board, at last we reached Suvarnabhumi International Airport, Bangkok, Thailand. Nothing much we did here, just we started wearing our masks, then shopped for some souvenirs, and took a lot of photos around the interesting corners of the airport!

As you all know, the H1N1 scare is the most latest buzz around - thus the prophylactic surgical mask usage. Then we took pics here and there at the interesting stuff that is happening around the airport!

After 2 hours of transiting, we finally got on board our flight to KL. Oh yeah, and around that moment, we got to know that Michael Jackson had passed away - R.I.P., M.J.

3 hours later, we all safely landed in Kuala Lumpur International Airport. Then we had to wait for err...7 hours for our flight back to Kota Kinabalu. And for the record, I finally managed to take my long-awaited bath in the toilet of the arrival hall. XD.

-The End-

Under The Stairs

2009-06-06T19:14:00.000+04:00

This is a song I recently wrote, composed, and produced. I think it is quite good for a first attempt. Hope you will enjoy it!

Under The Stairs

Words and Music by Maksim Markusevich

Just when I thought that only birds sing together
And only school kids walk down the streets in pairs
Maybe in life, some things don’t last forever,
They remain alone, like the moth shadowed under the stairs

Being alone, all by itself – I wonder,
How calm, how tranquil, the tiny moth it lay,
However it seems, it will be alone no longer,
A second moth fluttered by and decided to stay

Chorus: I guess everything will have
Someone to be with and to share
And maybe – now its my turn to say
That I had been given another chance
To be like the birds singing together
Like the school kids walking together
Im no longer alone, alone under the stairs…

Just like the moth, that one little moth, under the stairs,
I used to hide away by myself – in the shadows
Then out of the blue, walking down the stairs, I heard footsteps
You came and sat with me, under the stairs.

Chorus

It was you, who came
To be with me, under the stairs
Sitting here will never be the same
Thanks to you, this is no more a scary place
Being close to you melts all the doubts and fears away
No longer I am afraid to pave my way….my way…

I guess everything will have
Someone to be with and to share
And maybe, maybe, maybe - I get to say
When you gave me your hand, with that smile on your face
Hand in hand we both leave this dark place
Leaving nothing behind, not even a trace
Im no longer alone, alone under the stairs
No longer alone, under the stairs…

Red Devils Man Utd Night

2009-05-24T18:27:00.000+04:00

Last night, it was the birthday party for our dear KMSA president, Mr. Jeyendiran Kanagarajah, or affectionately called by all - ABANG J.

It was supposed to be a surprise party for him at Blondie Club - but apparently, he wasn't SO SURPRISED, albeit the really grand theme and atmosphere in the club. Maybe someone leaked out something already LOL.

Everyone came in red or in jerseys in honor of the night's theme, despite a few who failed to do so. But no hard feelings y'all! XD Anyway everyone had fun, no?

Music was great last night, thanks to DJ Ian - songs were ranging from Abang J's years i.e. 70's (YMCA, Ghostbusters, Celebrate etc.) to contemporary songs that you will usually hear in clubs nowadays.

I was there from 10.30 p.m. till 3.30 a.m. I wanted to hang out longer, just that:

1) Tomorrow, or to be exact LATER - I have to attend mass. Luckily its at 2 p.m. so I could get some shut-eye lol.

2) Maybe I danced a little bit too much - I ended up having painful cramps in my rectus muscles. Hope that tighter abs will be the result of that!

3) I was hungry and tired. I lost 2L of water in the form of excessive sweat and 2500 KCals of energy.

4) My contact lenses were starting to feel like as if they are in the Sahara.

I had a great time last night and HAPPY BIRTHDAY ABANG J! Wishing you all the best and may the good Lord bless you!

Eurovision 2009

2009-05-18T18:16:00.000+04:00

The latest Eurovision Song Contest 2009 left me in a very topsy turvy condition. I've been watching the show for 3 days straight - from the preliminaries to the final competition itself. Not to mention all the additional clips that I foraged from YouTube.

I still can't believe that I actually voted for the Eurovision winner this year! Thanks to the endless persuasion of my nagging friend, Arveen - I went to pump up my phone credit late at night. So - I decided that I am going to only vote ONCE and ONCE only - so after a long deliberation, I decided to put my bet on Norway's Alexander Rybak. I had to choose because 44 roubles per vote was DAMN EXPENSIVE!

So, needless to say - my favourite, and obviously the favorite of the whole of Europe too, won the competition by a large margin. Followed closely by Iceland (I don't know how she got so high up to 2nd place) and Azerbaijan (A typical performance, for me it was quite boring).

Here are my favourites of this year's contest:

Alexander Rybak from Norway

Obviously the star of the night. His "Fairytale" was a real fairytale indeed. He delivered a powerful and convincing performance, which you can watch several times without getting bored - although his vocals weren't the best - but I believe his showmanship covers up his vocal flaws. The arrangement of the song has a very strong folk music influence, which I believe it resembles Europe's ethnic music. And not forgetting his good looks, and his amazing skill with his violin, I cannot say more - he was definitely the winner of the night, the winner of Eurovision 2009!

Chiara from Malta

I just love her voice! She sings so amazingly - like an angel! "What If We" has a very epic feel to the song, just like a song for the Olympics or something like that. I thought that she sang better in the preliminaries, maybe she got stage jitters on the final night - but still, her show was breathtaking. However, she might not appeal to the young crowd as her song is more of a diva-kind of song. You know, like Mariah Carey-ish or Celine Dion-ish kind of songs. And her stage presence may be a little bit lacking - as she didn't use over-the-top pyrotechnics, or over-hyped dancers as the other contestants. But I like her effects though - makes her seem to be floating among the stars. Anyway - I still love her!

Anastasia Prihodko from Russia

Ahh - our girl. For me she is the most interesting contestant in this competition. FYI - of all the contestants, she was my favorite. She had a lot of controversy going on about her song choice, her nationality, and a lot more. But for me, I am judging her based upon her song and her singing talents only - I don't care if she is Ukrainian and she is representing Russia. "Mamo" is a very dark song, with a deep meaning to it. Coupled with her rare contralto voice - the song for me was a very catchy one. I would personally award her the Best Eurovision Song 2009 if I could. Truthfully, listening to it for the first time I was taken aback, shocked. Why would she be representing Russia? I didn't like the song then. But after hearing her sing repeatedly, I became addicted to it. Her performance in the finals was a melancholic one, albeit suitable, considering the mood of her song - but again, not everyone was a big fan of the aging Nastya on the big screens (but I was, I was moved by her performance - so emotional, so meaningful - unlike some other performances which were somehow pointless and tacky...). However in her official video - Nastja looked absolutely stunning! A very beautiful girl with long black hair and mysterious eyes with a sexy voice - a deadly combination indeed. No vseo ravno - ja tebe ljublju, Nastja!

Sakis Rouvas from Greece

This guy is the mediterranean version of Ricky Martin. A Greek God if you could say so. His 1000-megawatt smile with his to-die-for body and his sun-kissed good looks would melt any girl watching him. "This is Our Night" is your typical techno-dance kind of song, so vocals don't really play a big role here. What matters is the package of the singer (no pun intended XD). Although his dance moves were really over-the-top, and his mini-shirt was kind of distracting but hey - he knows that sex appeal sells. But then, I love songs of these genre so I can't help but listening to and moving with the beat. Go go Sakiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

Malena Ernman from Sweden

This woman has a seriously amazing voice! For a woman of her age - taking care of the mezzosoprano voice is not an easy task. "La Voix" is also one my favorite songs of the competition, being a techno-dance song but with a twist to it. Malena took the song to soaring heights with her amazing voice range! I never knew you can sing in an opera-ish way but still sounds excellent with a techno music beat in the background. I thought she would at least land in the top 5 but the opposite happened - she fell in the bottom 5. I guess the age factor was really taking the toll on Malena. But she still looked very beautiful - apart from the suspected use of Botox (one of the explanations why she had a freaky, scary look on her face on stage). She should have deserved better! I got goosebumps watching her performance - certainly one of the best songs in this year's competition.

Niels Brinck from Denmark

Brinck is your typical bandboy - and he sounds quite like Ronan Keating. His song "Believe Again" for me was a nice and likeable song, and has a good market value for a pop commercial song. His performance was good but only safe - nothing over the top. But then its good as a rule. Nothing tacky, nothing cheesy. Just concentrating on the song and maybe a little bit on his rugged good looks. Maybe bandboys are out of season already - but I am not letting it go yet. Definitely a song for your iPod when you are sitting in a bus travelling :)

A Hidden Conspiracy: The Dean's Office

2009-05-13T20:40:00.000+04:00

We need a permission letter from the dean's office so that we could sit for the Dermatology exam earlier. That means I have to pay a visit to the dean's office. Sigh. Not the dean's office.

A visit to the dean's office is simply traumatizing. Meet a bunch of women who are supposed to be sweet old ladies, trying to help every troubled student - maybe the other way around, ladies? They are affectionately known as The Deans. Oh, not to forget the ever-trusty secretary of theirs. So the title should read - "The Deans and the Secretary"

Mdm. Galina on the phone - trying to reach a leader of a group. She ended up complaining about whether she was listening to him or to the sound of music coming from his room. Behind her is Ms. Anya - the secretary. Looks busy typing huh? Let's zoom nearer, what is actually on screen...

Oh - so THAT is where that familiar "buzz" sounds were from. She was chatting on Yahoo Messenger. I thought it was my Mig33 application beeping.

That was the "clinical picture" that I saw in the dean's office as I waited for an audience with Mdm. Antropolskaya. Then, I got the chance:

Me: Dravstvujte Mdm. Antropolskaya.

Mdm: MMH. Dravstvujte Maks. What you want today?

Me: We need a permission to sit for the dermatology exam tomorrow (hands her the signed petition).

Mdm: When exam?

Me: TOMORROW. (Sheesh - didn't I just said it?)

Mdm: Tak, znachit - LISTEN to me. Who is group organizer? Arveen, da? Tell him, to come, NOW, to dean's office.

Me: Why madam, may I ask?

Mdm: Tak, the register, in dean's office has NO marks from subjects! NO MARKS!!!(slaps the register with the dorsum of her palm, several times.) WHY you didn't fulfill marks in dean's office register?

Me: (Awkward silence O_o)

Mdm: So, tell him to come here (looks at big clock on the wall), QUICK-LY. Tell him, BRING class register, and fulfill dean's office register, NOW. Only after, I will, give you permission - horosho?

Me: Da, madam. Vseo ponjal. Horosho.

Mdm: MMH.

Sigh. Not again. The freaking dean's office register. I don't understand why here everything has to be WRITTEN. Not once, but TWICE! Okay fine, what I should do now is to call the "group organizer" i.e. group leader:

Me: Hello, Arveen. We have a problem.

Arveen: What now?

Me: Mdm. Antropolskaya wants you to come here and "fulfill" the dean's office register. Or else - NO PERMISSION. NO PERMISSION!!!!

Arveen: (SIGHS) Okay, I will come. (grumbles....)

Me: Okay, see you.

Okay, then Arveen came. We "fulfilled" the registers together. And I got the evil ideas to snap some top-secret photos of the dean's office. SECRETLY. I saw and heard a lot of things happening here:

1) All the deans are females. And not forgetting the secretary too.

2) Females talk a lot. About life. Life. And more about Life. Thus they talked. :)

3) Sometimes they fight among each other: Anya vs Galina was today's battle. Mdm. Galina pointed out some misprints in the student's journal, which ignited the battle. Anya defended herself, and Mdm. Galina realized her mistake. One for Anya! (Cheers!)

4) Mdm. Irina ate a sour cream baguette tastefully, bought for her by Mdm. Natalia for the price of 16 roubles. Mdm. Natalia bought a 0.5L bottle of Pepsi. Drank it quickly as if there is no tomorrow.

5) Mdm. Galina did non-stop calls to reach some group leaders to ask them why were they absent for the group leaders' meeting this morning. Then she demanded that they come now to the dean's office ASAP.

Mdm. Natalia looking at Mdm. Antropolskaya as she expressively talks about how her nephew is coping with the high costs of living in St. Petersburg, how expensive is 40000 roubles per month for apartment rentals, and...some problems with her piping system at home? What ever the case is, Mdm. Antropolskaya is still the best. :)

Then, after nearly 1 hour of "fulfilling" the dean's office register - which is a total time waste, (I couldve studied a bit for my Dermatology exam if was not doing that. ARGH.) finally we handed the thing over to Mdm. Antropolskaya.

Mdm: MMH. Finished?

Arveen: Yes, madam. All finished. Sorry for not fulfilling the...

Mdm: Tak, sejchas - make a "xerox" for me - the original give me. You make "xerox" for yourself. Anya, dai pozhalujsta emu vedemost'.

Anya: 'Chas naidu. (Flips through papers and gives the vedemost')

Arveen: Spasibo.

Actually this is a simplified version of the conversation - watch the whole thing on secret cam below:

Green Eyed Monster

2009-05-12T20:41:00.000+04:00

In every human being, there lives a monster. A monster so big, so green, so hideous - but sometimes you just can't see it. Once in a while it will come out of its hiding place - only to be seen for a short while. But sometimes, the monster feels so bold and brave that it lingers around long enough to be seen not only by its master, but also by people around.

This is how my aura should've looked today...I was burning GREEN with envy.

Today my green-eyed monster came out from its hiding place. It was so fierce and so empowering, that I couldn't mask my facial expression with my fake smiles anymore. I was surprised at how jealous I could be - I've never felt that jealous before. I've felt "boiling with anger" before, but not "boiling with envy". Unnecessary waste of energy and mind power.

Why should I be jealous? I myself couldn't explain it. I got to know that friend A got something that - well, it was not something that I've ever wanted before, or something that friend A did not deserve to get or something like that. Friend A was equally shocked to get that thing (I think) and friend A was more than deserving to receive it. But - I WAS JEALOUS. Jealous of friend A. Which was dumb! I knew it was dumb to be jealous, but I just can't stop feeling that!

How I wished Pandora didn't open that stupid box. Envy and Jealousy must be in there somewhere. Thanks a lot, Pandora!

I really need to put a leash on my green-eyed monster. I don't want people start calling me the Jealous Bitch. It seems that this week is filled with negative emotions - recently the urge to kill, now jealousy and envy? What's next? Rage? Hopefully not.

Thanks to a few bars of chocolate - I managed to get some happy hormones to circulate in my circuits. I hope I won't be attacked by such negative energy again of such magnitude in the near future. I'm afraid of wrinkles. Sigh.