Green Eyed Monster

In every human being, there lives a monster. A monster so big, so green, so hideous - but sometimes you just can't see it. Once in a while it will come out of its hiding place - only to be seen for a short while. But sometimes, the monster feels so bold and brave that it lingers around long enough to be seen not only by its master, but also by people around.

This is how my aura should've looked today...I was burning GREEN with envy.

Today my green-eyed monster came out from its hiding place. It was so fierce and so empowering, that I couldn't mask my facial expression with my fake smiles anymore. I was surprised at how jealous I could be - I've never felt that jealous before. I've felt "boiling with anger" before, but not "boiling with envy". Unnecessary waste of energy and mind power.

Why should I be jealous? I myself couldn't explain it. I got to know that friend A got something that - well, it was not something that I've ever wanted before, or something that friend A did not deserve to get or something like that. Friend A was equally shocked to get that thing (I think) and friend A was more than deserving to receive it. But - I WAS JEALOUS. Jealous of friend A. Which was dumb! I knew it was dumb to be jealous, but I just can't stop feeling that!

How I wished Pandora didn't open that stupid box. Envy and Jealousy must be in there somewhere. Thanks a lot, Pandora!

I really need to put a leash on my green-eyed monster. I don't want people start calling me the Jealous Bitch. It seems that this week is filled with negative emotions - recently the urge to kill, now jealousy and envy? What's next? Rage? Hopefully not.

Thanks to a few bars of chocolate - I managed to get some happy hormones to circulate in my circuits. I hope I won't be attacked by such negative energy again of such magnitude in the near future. I'm afraid of wrinkles. Sigh.

Point a Gun to the Head

Sometimes you just feel annoyed. Angry. It feels like shit. You wish that a gun is lying just somewhere near you, and you can just pick it up and start firing like mad - or just point it at the single object which is the root of all annoyance. Just shoot it if its an inanimate object. Merely threaten if it is an annoying life-form.

You know what - you annoy me. I want to shoot you in the head. If you still continue to annoy me, I'd shoot mine instead.

I wish I could do that. Being a person with a big Tupperware of patience - I have my limits too. It would overflow one day. But luckily it NEVER overflew - I meant overFLOWED. Its only dangerously filled up to the brim. Just a few trickles and drips here and there.

I can't explode. I shan't explode. I should calm down. But then deep down inside I am still secretly wishing for the pistol - or better still, an anti-aircraft rifle which was used to kill the Head of Department of Dermatology in a freak incident a few weeks ago. I need an outlet to release my deep-set anger and resentment. I've tried almost every mild effort - meditation, eating, going out for a walk, shouting in my pillow - EVERYTHING. Except for going on a killing spree.

Kitty Cat, so cute. Even cuter with the pistol in its paws. BANG! There goes the annoyance

I may sound like a psycho killer - but I am not. I am just frustrated. Im a very mild person actually. I smile a lot. I laugh a lot. I try io be nice to everybody. I try not to make enemies. Just that sometimes I feel like doing radical stuff which only could happen vividly in my wildest imaginations.

I hope that no internet police or something like that is going to be after my tail if they happen to stumble upon this part of my blog. This is just a literal place to let everything out, right?

But, having a cute Kitty Kat as a potential assassin is kinda cute, no? Aww, just look at it. So innocent, yet so deadly. One moment you're admiring it, the next thing you know - BANG! Oops, there is a bullet in your brains. And the best thing is, no one would be caught because Kitty Kat did it!

Behind The Scenes: KreativeBandz

Mary Ann, Rafael - I just can't stop watching this video of us. That night was a really tiring one. But this candid camera moment was really an adrenaline booster!

This is a short clip taked candidly when we were doing the KreativeBandz.

Why we laughed a lot:

1) Because we did not know what to do actually with 3 strands of string. Darn - were we that dumb?

2) Because we can't stop thinking to go to bed as we were all worn out from the drama practise.

3) Because before this clip was taken, we were eating poppy seed crackers and drinking grape juice (which tasted exactly like blood, but sweeter. Rafael, you didn't finish yours!) and...I forgot the other one, Mary Ann was is green tea? We practically stuffed ourselves with carbs and glucose - thus the hyperglycemic hyperactivity.

4) Because Rafael accidentally burnt the KreativeBandz terribly until Mary Ann had to say it was CHARRED and I said it was RENTUNG.

5) Because Rafael was actually curling the KreativeBandz on purpose, when we were not supposed to do so. Evil-much. So he memang planned to curl them first, then make them burnt - no, CHARRED haha.

6) Because we were imagining who would be the lucky 6 people who are going to get Rafael's CHARRED KreativeBandz.

7) Because we knew we were a bunch of hopeless kids doing handicrafts. Bagaikan kera diberi bunga which means "We are just like a bunch of monkeys that were given flowers" i.e. given something worthless.

8) Because Rafael actually slept on the chair for a few minutes while Mary Ann and I were busy laughing.

9) Because Mary Ann was saying "EEEEEEEEEEEEE - Tak mauu!!! Dia hitam, black!!"

10) Because we created blue hair. LOLZ.

GOSH - I can't stop laughing XD.

Garden Gala 2009 - From Disaster to Spectacular!

It was 9th May 2009. It was a historical day in Russia. It was Victory Day. But I wasn't so interested with the street parade - its the same thing every year. Basically no changes at all. It looks like ghosts from the past came back to haunt Lenin Street again.

Oh well - I had a bigger thing to look forward to for today. Garden Gala 2009 (GG09) . Being an annual event, basically it has to be BIG. It has to. This "stereotypical" adjective - being applied to the annual GG certainly put some nasty strain on my nerves and patience. Not to mention the absurd amount of time and energy that has to be poured onto its preparation.

Woke up at 8.24 a.m. this morning. Dang - overslept my alarm. That was my first reaction looking at the phone screen. Lol - Lady GaGa didn't manage to wake me up this morning. Neither did Kyu Sakamoto. (p/s: Lady Gaga's Just Dance is my wake up alarm at 7.30 a.m. Kyu Sakamoto's Sukiyaki comes later at 7.45 a.m. :)

I immediately brought myself out of bed and walked straight to my laptop. Sigh - unfinished business awaits. The drama recording was not completely edited. Need to get it done fast. Snap-snap. Then there I was, editing the recording frame by frame, diligently. Next thing I knew when I looked at the clock it was about 9.30 a.m. OOPS - forgot. I promised Fr. Peter (from now on I'll refer to him as FP - as we all affectionately call him) that I would come at 9 a.m. to decorate the garden. Then the horrible truth sank in - I HAD TO DECORATE THE GARDEN TOO. Then for a split second I thought that if I could have any super-power, I'd pick self-duplication. Then I could juggle everything without problems. But that was just a figment of my imagination.

In the end I got at the gardens only at 11.45 a.m. I thought that FP would be really ticked off because he was expecting me at about 9, but luckily he wasn't there yet when I arrived. What a sigh of relief! Just when I wanted to - no, this isn't happening. FP was here ALREADY. Just that he was "hiding" in one of the rooms of the parish house. OKAY - ignore FP. GG starts at 12 pm. That means I have exactly 15 - no, 13 minutes (...thanks to FP, he took away 2 minutes of my precious time.) to work miracles on the whole garden. OKAY, here goes.

[ABOUT 45 MINUTES LATER]

Okay - maybe I went past the time be a large margin - who cares. GG was delayed eventually. It was raining (NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~) So we had to shift the "Garden Gala" into the parish house. Then it became "House Gala". So we ate first while waiting for the sun to come out. And indeed it came out :)

Food for GG'09: Spaghetti, Potato Wedges, Grilled Chicken Wings, Date Pritters, Coleslaw, and Foo-foo (traditional African dish)

GARDEN GALA BEGINS!

Just after the sun came out. Everyone scatters around the garden as preparations were made.

The show kicked off with a stand-up comedy act by Godwin. Funny-much I guess, judging from the amount of laughter generated by the public. Then came the time to distribute the KreativeBandz.

Audience listening attentively to Godwin. Serious looking? Well, maybe he haven't got to the funny part yet LOL.

(The story behind KreativeBandz: They are actually 3 strings of red, blue and green tied together to make a plaited wristband. But its easier said than done. Mary Ann, Rafael and I - the 3 stooges - were given the daunting task to make 80 of these plaited wristbands. But we only started at about 10.30 p.m. and we had to finish by tomorrow morning. And we were very tired at that time, being just after practice for the GG performance and cleaning up the gardens earlier. Rafael fell asleep in the process LOL. So we decided to just tie these 3 strings together and distribute them tomorrow to everyone - asking them to do whatever they like with those things. Kononnya with a gift for the most creative idea for that thing. Thus the name KreativeBandz haha.)

This year's GG door gift: KreativeBandz. Brought to you by Mary Anne, Rafael and Yours Truly.

FYI out of those 80 KreativeBandz - 6 were marked with burnt ends (thanks to Rafael for that really "great" idea hahaha - which we had to agree after he accidentally burnt one of those KreativeBandz.) So those lucky 6 who got the burnt ones had to join the drama cast for the "Close To You" dance. Really funny moment.

"Caught Up in Love". That was the name of our drama this year. Its about a girl who is NEARLY perfect (...during the event, I described the girl as a PERFECT girl so Fr. Peter was saying "Perfect? Perfect?" Then I had to say "NEARLY perfect father, nearly." Then he smiled incessantly.) who found love, not one but two of them. So basically she had to choose between them. Actually, the audience were responsible for the ending of the story. By voting of hands, the audience wanted the girl to end up being with her best friend - instead of being with the exchange student whom she initially fell in love with. I think everyone enjoyed the story - I hope.

A part of the drama cast (L to R) : Rafael, Mary Ann, Christina, Mitchel, and Yours Truly.

After that, comes the performance from the graduating seniors this summer. They made their rendition of "We Will Rock You" which entertained everyone, as everyone clapped together with them. Then they were presented with their mock graduation hats in their mock graduation ceremony. Aww - touching moment.

Graduating seniors with FP. I can't wait for my graduation.

Then there was the May Babies' Birthday Bash. All those who were born in the month of May were wished with the warmest birthday wishes. And the chocolate hazelnut cake was to die for :) Happy birthday guys!

May babies (Felix, Mitchel, Abraham, Kingsley, Roberto) - not including FP and Mary Ann.

And that was the end of our GG. We had more activities planned - but due to the rain taking away 2 hours of our time, we had to cut it short - but hey, I still think this GG'09 rocked!

Group photo in the garden.

Kudos to everyone!

The Annual GG Picture - at the Garden Entrance with the Banner! Smile everyone!

Yours Truly, "The Devil Inside of Me" played by Maksim Markusevich in the drama "Caught Up In Love"

It Isn't Easy

Easy for you to say: that you don't care,

But not easy for me to not share.

Easy for me to keep silent and carve a smile,

But in me rages a storm - so furious, so vile.

Easy for you to say: just leave me alone,

But there is something else you didn't say - on your face, its all shown.

Easy for me to say: it's okay,

But really deep inside, I'm keeping my tears at bay.

Easy for you to say: it's nothing,

But it makes me frustrated for not exactly knowing.

Easy for me to say: just tell me,

But actually I'm afraid, of what the real answer will be.

Easy for you to just ignore and walk away,

But for me, it's not - especially when I know something is wrong somehow, somewhere.

Easy for me to stay still and act as if nothing happened,

Knowing that you are hiding something, makes me uneasy every minute, every second.

I know its not easy at all, it was never easy to begin with,

Trying hard to cope with it, at least I am,

How about you - are you trying?

Are you at least trying?

I can't force you. Neither could you force me.

You know very well that neither of us are good at lying.

I know you could see me through.

It isn't easy - I know.