Friday, September 11
Eating Me Alive
Thursday, September 10
Black Roses: Chapter II
Chapter II
That familiar voice startled Milton, snapped him back to reality.
“Oh, yes. I’m fine. Never been better,” replied a dumbfounded Milton as he ran his hands across his table, making a mess of the papers stacked on his table.
“What’s wrong, Mil? You’ve been so detached lately. Anything disturbing you? Sometimes I wonder what is going inside that head of yours,” said the familiar female voice. “One of these days, I’m going to knock some sense into you, Mil. Whatever it takes to make you stay focused. You are slowly losing it…”
“I’m fine Mag! Just that I’m a little bit occupied lately, that’s all…” Milton retaliated.
“Occupied? With what?”
Milton stared at the frowning woman looking at him. It was Magdalene. She is one of his best friends. She is his co-worker at the firm he is currently working in. They have known each other for 4 years since they both joined the firm at the same time. Magdalene knew everything about him, and Milton knew everything about her. Well, almost everything.
“Forget about it, Mil. Lets go out and have lunch; I’m not so in love with our local cafeteria – they serve the same food almost everyday!” Mag complained as she rummaged through her handbag for her cell phone.
“Why were you here again, Mag?” a confused Milton questioned her.
“Why? Well, isn’t it obvious? I’m bringing you out on a lunch date, silly!” Magdalene giggled, as she grabbed Milton’s arm and dragged him out from his comfy chair and led him straight out of his office.
“Where are we going?” said Milton, as he struggled to keep up the pace behind Magdalene.
“It’s a surprise, Mil. Just wait and see. I know you’re going to love it!” Mag replied confidently, with a cheeky grin, as they entered the lift.
“Okay, lead the way Miss Know-It-All! And you’re driving!” Milton exclaimed.
And with that, Magdalene whizzed through a crowd of people waiting in front of the lift as it opened on the ground floor, and a poor Milton had to bump into several people in Magdalene’s wake. Boy, this woman has some spunk! – Milton whispered to himself.
“You coming?” Magdalene shouted from inside the car.
Without even answering, Milton immediately got in the car, and before he even closed the door – Magdalene was already reversing the car.
“What’s the big hurry? Geez, Mag! Tell me! You seem extremely excited – what’s going on?” Milton demanded an answer. The truth is, he was a bit surprised and scared to see Magdalene in such a peculiar mood.
“I’m so excited, no, too excited – but I can’t tell you just yet. It’ll spoil the mood! I promised not to tell you until we reach there.” answered a smiling Magdalene.
“Promised? To whom? What kind of surprises do you have up your sleeve this time, Mag? It’s not even my birthday yet, and it’s not April Fool either. And it’s not your birthday too, so…”
“Just shut up, Milton Myers! Did you know that you can be so annoying at times? Just sit down calmly and relax. Oh, and you need to straighten up your necktie. You want to look good later, trust me.” Magdalene snapped in just before Milton could even finish his sentence. Milton looked down on his tie and saw how crooked it was. Thanks to that abrupt exit from the firm, not to mention bumping into some innocent bystanders – he thought, as he straightened up his tie.
“Nothing. Simply.” Milton softly replied, with a smile.
“Mil, sometimes I just don’t understand what is going on in the silly head of yours.” Magdalene said bluntly.
“Well, for the record – you’ve said the same phrase twice already today.” Milton grumbled in response to her presumably condescending comment.
“You know Mag, I –“Milton’s words were cut short by his cell phone ringing.
“Nice ring tone you have there.” Magdalene remarked. It was Heidi Montag’s Body Language.
“Yes? No. Okay. Fine. No, I’m not going to be in until end of lunch hour. Emergency errands. Mag? Yes, she’s with me. Oh okay, no problems. Sure, I’ll tell her. Thanks Al. Hey, do you want anything from downtown? Since I am going there? Oh okay. Sure. See you around then. Bye.”
“Who was that?” Magdalene asked.
“It's Al from HR. He wanted to know whether I am still in my office. I guess he wanted to discuss about the upcoming Wize Project 2009. I was supposed to come up with a design theme to suit the whole thing. And Al wanted his ideas in too, although he was assigned to the human resource department,” Milton sighed, as he looked blankly to the outside view.
“Emergency errands?”
“Well, I don’t know what to make of our current situation. So I just told him I had emergency errands that need to be meted out A.S.A.P. Luckily he is not much of a nosey person, unlike some others.” Milton replied, with a slight giggle.
“And I heard my name being mentioned. What was that about?” Magdalene inquired.
“Oh, that. He said the materials you ordered from the publishing house have just arrived, and he sent those to your secretary – since your office was barred shut.” Milton answered non-chalantly.
“Wow – that’s good news! Now I can work on the advertising ad for the Wize Project. Well, I needed those since the boss wanted some specific “moments” incorporated into the ad.” Magdalene smirked.
“I hope you didn’t order something from Russia! God forbid, he will go berserk talking about motherlands and vodka!” Milton remarked, as both of them burst out in fits of laughter.
“Well Milton, here we are!” Magdalene said as she swerved the car into a parking lot, and the car came to a sudden halt.
“The Four Seasons? Are we having their lunch specials? I thought you said their appetizers were not appetizing at all, and I remember you said you despised their halibut in wine –“Milton said to Magdalene in a very surprised tone, before she butted in.
“No, we are not here for the lunch. Some people are expecting us here. You’ll be surprised!” Magdalene exclaimed, as she grabbed her cell phone and started to call somebody.
“Hey, we are here already. Where are you guys? Sweet. Let’s meet in the lobby then, and I have a clueless Milton tagging along. Yeah, sure. Okay then.” Magdalene put her cell phone back in her handbag and gestured to Milton.
“C’mon Mil, make it snappy. Snap-snap!” she said, as she snapped her fingers twice.
“Okay, I’m coming! Sheesh.” Milton grumbled.
Who could that be? Milton asked himself. He had no idea of whom is he going to expect at the lobby of that grand hotel. Maybe some big shot executive who is interested in my latest design projects, or maybe some major event organizers looking for the right design theme – who knows? A list of probable, or more correct to say – profitable people, raced across his mind like a bullet train whizzing through a tunnel.
Upon reaching the Four Season’s magnificent entrance, Milton and Magdalene were warmly greeted by doormen as they opened the doors for them.
“Surprise!!!”
Milton thought he heard the 2 distinctive yet familiar voices shouting from afar. Obviously they were not people from his imaginary list earlier.
“Oh. My. God.”
And Milton got the shock of his life. A pleasant shock, that is.
Sunday, September 6
Black Roses

Black Roses: Chapter I
Chapter I
“Milton, I want a second chance. Give me a second chance, please? I still want to be with you…”
Milton was shocked to hear that through the phone.
“I…I need time to consider this. It is too sudden. And I’m going to board the plane in 5 minutes.”
“I will wait for your answer, Milton. Do call me when you reach Johannesburg. Please. Call me, okay? I still love you, you know...”
“…Okay. I will call you. Take care, Anna.”
Milton pressed the red button and ended the call. Anna calling him months after their breakup, and of all times when he was about to board the plane to Johannesburg made Milton stop in his tracks. His mind was immediately stunned. Stunned by the memories of his past relationship with Anna. Why now? Why not yesterday? Why not 2 weeks earlier? The call certainly disturbed Milton to the point where he was practically standing still all alone in the departure hall.
“Sir, the plane is going to take off soon. You need to board the plane now. Do you have any problems, sir?” said the air steward politely, while gesturing Milton to go through the boarding gates.
“…Oh, yes. I mean, no problems. I am going to board the plane now. Thank you.” Milton replied back, while feeling inside his coat pockets for the boarding pass. Having found the boarding pass, he rushed towards the boarding counter and showed the pass to the boarding officials.
“Thank you, sir. Have a nice flight and safe journey.” the young, smiling, woman officer said to Milton as she handed over the pass over to him. Milton nodded and returned the smile, although not as enthusiastic as the woman did earlier, as he walked through the gates towards the aircraft.
“Mr. Milton Myers-Stevens, welcome aboard on the Royal KLM Airlines. Please, let me direct you to your seat. Do you want anything for now?” said a friendly steward by the name of Bjorn.
“Hm? Well, I do not wish for anything for now. Maybe later? Thank you so much.” Milton replied with a grin – but his mind was still in a muddled state.
“Certainly sir, anytime you wish for anything, just call upon us.” said Bjorn, as he helped Milton to load his hand luggage into the overhead compartment. With a smile and a slight gesture of politeness, he left to his station, as Milton was settling down into his seat. The plush cushion, the spacious seat, the refreshing scent of the air freshener – all were pampering and comforting enough for the other patrons of the 1st class flight. All except for Milton. He was still tense, worried, and his sigh became heavier and heavier with every breath he took.
__________________________________________________________
It all started in May 2006. Milton met Anna online. One thought the other was interesting, and so did the other. Their feelings were mutual. Everyday they would chat at least 2 hours. From just normal internet chat buddies, they brought their relationship to another level. They became more than just friends. But there was one problem. At that moment, Milton was already in another online relationship with Josephine, whom he met online earlier 2 weeks before finding Anna online. Or rather, Anna was the one who found him. At that moment Milton had to choose only one – being the man who believes in being faithful and who thought sharing was out of the option. He knew he was attached to Josephine, but he also knew that his heart was stolen by Anna in ways he never felt before. And Milton thought what life was without taking risks, and he also thought that when true love comes knocking on your door, you would be a total fool to leave the door unanswered.
So Milton decided to break up with Josephine, thinking that the earlier he did it, the better. Better hurt now than being hurt later, as the pain will be immensely magnified, he thought. But how to do it? This was his first relationship, and they had only been together for like 2 weeks. Maybe it’s not even a relationship to begin with, in that short period of time. So, Milton summoned all his courage, every bit, every piece of it and told Josephine that their relationship is not working out. Josephine was shattered by Milton’s sudden decision, and she wanted an explanation. And it better be good, she warned.
Milton was at a loss. Although he told Josephine the main part, he forgot about the small, intricate details that trailed behind the naked truth. He needed a reason for breaking up with her. He can’t say to Josephine that he has found another “true love”– it was out of the question. From his childhood years, Milton was taught that honesty is the best policy. But, he didn’t give in to honesty just yet. He resorted to the darker opposite of honesty: lies and deception. It was disgraceful and cowardly, he knew it very well – but he went on anyway with this plan of his. So, he told Josephine that he was “diagnosed with cancer”, and he was so “sad” with his miserable life, and he wouldn’t want to include Josephine in his “suffering battle against cancer”. Josephine, although young, had the mind of adult way beyond her years – she offered to stand by him until day’s end, and this troubled Milton even more.
After subsequent attempts to convince Josephine to just leave him and find someone else failed, Milton decided it was time to play aggressive. He shut Josephine out from his life. Just like that. He deleted her number from his phone. He removed her from his friends’ list in Friendster. He blocked her in Yahoo Messenger. He did everything possible to prevent her reaching out to him through every known communication ways. And he felt the pain of guilt ever since, until today.
But it was not long until he somehow forgotten the pain of being guilty, thanks to the loving tender affection that he received from Anna, Eventually both of them met face to face during Milton’s summer holidays, and that strengthened their love for each other even more. They spent 3 magical weeks together in London, everyday celebrating their sweet moments together. But that joy was short lived. Milton had to go back to New York to continue his studies. Anna too had to return to Paris – she was studying there. As they said their last goodbyes, they hugged each other so tightly at the airport, wearing their matching couple T-shirts – and that stirred up the ahhs and oohs of the airport officials who saw their love display. And off they went in their separate ways.
Everything went on smoothly since they were back on track with their studies. Long-distance relationship was a thing they could handle effortlessly. Daily chats, voice chats, emails, and SMSes was enough to keep the flame burning. Everything was fine. Until one day Milton met Vera at a charity event in downtown New York. The svelte Russian blonde swept Milton from his feet before she even said priviet. After that first acquaintance, Milton and Vera were constantly seen together around town. Milton slowly developed feelings for Vera without even noticing it coming. But Milton still was in love with Anna. Or was he? Slowly he started to find every fault with Anna, which he believed if they were present before – he was too “blinded by love” that he failed to notice them, he assured himself. But he hesitated to tell Anna. Perhaps the time was not right yet.
On one fateful winter night, apparently the “right” time surfaced itself. Milton was a bit tipsy that night, thanks to a few shots of vodka. Seeing Milton in that unpredictable situation, Vera decided to send Milton home. As he reached home, vodka-charged Milton was feeling courageous. He felt he had the courage to confront Anna and he wanted to tell Anna the whole truth. So, he reached for his cell phone, browsed through the contacts list and found the name Anna Isabella Sorano. Without hesitation, he pressed the green button and the moment he heard Anna’s cheerful voice, he blurted out everything. Every single thing, The truth that hurts. Then to his surprise, Anna retaliated by confessing that she actually had a fling with his best friend, Harvey. Milton didn’t know what to make of it. Be relieved that she actually was experiencing the same dilemma that he is having? Or be disappointed that she was being unfaithful behind him? Or should he be mad with Harvey for betraying his trust? All those myriad of feelings made Milton numb, He didn’t feel a thing anymore. He didn’t know what to do. How to react? He didn’t know. There was only one thing in his mind – to run away. To press the red button again, like he did to Josephine. History is going to repeat itself, he whispered to himself. With that, he pressed the red button slowly. Call ended.
The next day, Milton realized his mistake. He tried calling Anna. She didn’t pick up. After several futile attempts, he decided to just write to her an email explaining everything in detail. He kept on checking his mail ever so frequently, just to check whether Anna has replied to his dire S.O.S. Her reply only came in a few days later. A confused Anna tried her best to reply to Milton’s email, but clearly her confused mind got the better of her. Milton couldn’t understand what she was trying to say, Finally, the both of them decided to step back, and conceal themselves from each other, as time heals them. Milton continued his life as normal, still very much attached to Vera. Only God knows what Anna was going through during that difficult period.
After a few months, Milton found out that Anna actually was in a relationship long before their first meeting at the charity dinner. He was shocked to know that she was romancing with his colleague at the university – a senior by the name of Daniel. It is too late to realize that he is now caught up in a nasty love triangle. After engaging in a furious exchange of word within the triangle, Milton decided to back out – thinking that Daniel was the first one who got Vera, thus he had more right to be with her. So a defeated Milton went back home and slumped on his sofa. While scanning across the room, he caught the sight of a picture of Anna in the corner of his eye. Anna! Oh dear Anna! He immediately grabbed his cell phone and straightaway called his beloved Anna. He asked for her forgiveness. He begged her to give him a second chance. He promised to not do the same mistake again. He still remembers her reply until today.
“Once done, it is already done. Once done, you might do it again in the future. Once done, it cannot be undone.”
She didn’t even say I will think about it.
She was so straightforward about it.
Milton was devastated.
Maybe this was her breaking up with me, he thought as a tear rolled down his cheek.
__________________________________________________________
“Sir, would you like the steak sirloin or the seafood hors de’ouvre?”, asked the stewardess. She startled a day-dreaming Milton, snapping him out of his imaginary drama scene.
“Oh, it is time for lunch already?” replied Milton with his cheeky smile. “I’ll have the seafood-hors-whatever-you-call-it, please. I was never a big fan of steak anyway.”
“Alright, sir. Here you go, sir. Any drinks with that, sir?”
“Hmm…how about an icy glass of fruit punch? Do you have that on the menu?”
“Yes, we do, sir. Please wait for a minute, I will get that done for you.”
“Thank you, err – Belinda,” Milton said, coyly looking at her nametag. “Sorry for the trouble.”, he said further, with a smile.
“It is not a problem, sir. Glad to be of service. Please excuse me." Belinda replied, as the made her way towards the back of the aircraft.
Milton said grace, and he slowly enjoyed his lunch as he enjoyed the view of the dancing wispy white clouds upon the background of the vast blue sky.
“Another 8 hours more to go,” Milton sighed, as he chewed on a piece of scallop.
Friday, August 14
Inching Closer to Becoming a Real Doctor
Only now, as I sit quietly in front of my trusty laptop (although it occasionally gets the "white screen" syndrome), I got to realize a few things. Earlier today, knowing that my elective posting at Keningau District Hospital is officially ending this week, I walked cheerfully towards Mr. Pengarah's secretary and asked her for my official completion letter, stating that I've successfully underwent 6 weeks of up-to-date. much needed practical training for my working years. Then, I wondered - what did I achieve this year? In fact, this year was the most fruitful year of all.
3 weeks interning under the Internal Medicine Department, and another 3 weeks under the Obstetrics & Gynaecology Department was an exciting experience. As a medical student, having hands on knowledge, although just a tiny morsel, was a big boost to my confidence level as an aspiring medical officer.
Being with the Internal Medicine Department, I got the chance to be a real doctor doing daily rounds. Why, I even had my OWN patients! I admitted them into the ward, took their history, and even arranged investigation to be done, and proposed a plan of management. I also had the chance to do random procedures - venesection, setting up the branulla + IV line, digital examination per rectum, and a LOT of injections. Of course I met with a lot of difficulties along the way, made errors here and there, but I was really thankful to have such a supportive environment there in the ward. especially to Dr. Rajan and Dr. Izdihar - learning was really a wonderful experience. I learnt one valuable thing while I was interning there - not everything goes according to the books. I learnt that some matters can only be solved by experience. So I shouldn't worry about that for now, as I still am a medical student, who still needs to refer to the books.
Working at the Internal Medicine Consultant Clinic gave me another edge, where I got to deal with follow-up patients. I shared a table with Dr. Florence, where the both of us would take cases one by one, review the patients as they sat beside us and prescribe them the neccesary medications. I got the experience to fill in the case notes, do routine examinations, fill in forms, and writing prescriptions. Thanks to her, I learnt a lot.
Want some blood? Let's transfuse some for Thalassaemia A patients.
At the O&G Department, I was initially lost. I really had no idea where to start, and what to do even. But with the help of Dr. Angela and her dedicated team at the Labour Room, to date, I have the experience of handling 5 vaginal deliveries + placenta deliveries, and 3 ARM procedures using amniotomy hooks. I witnessed too how they did episiotomy repairs in 2 of the patients. Also, for a medical student it is quite rare I think for us to be doing VE's. But I did 2 VE's. I also got to feel how the os cervix dilates prior to giving birth. Not much, you would say - but for me, it was a GREAT START. As a student from a foreign medical institution, getting acquainted with how things are done in your homeland i.e. the place where you are going to end up working is an experience you should never miss.
Okay this is how the cervix should dilate...10 cm? That's mighty big.
What I learnt this year not only adds to my medical knowledge, but also boosts my self-confidence and enhances my social skills. Why? Well, I firmly belive (and it was tested and proven hehe) thatin order for a student to be doing stuff that I did - he/she must HAVE/BE the 4 P's:
PATIENCE, PERSEVERANCE, PROACTIVE, & PLEASANT.
I will tell you why.
PATIENCE: You will get scolded always. Your lack of knowledge will be ridiculed by your supervisor. You cannot complete some tasks in time, or in a particular manner. You will get annoying patients. You will have some people not liking you. You will feel tired standing the whole day.
PERSEVERANCE: You will feel you need to catch up fast if you want to do more procedures. You will feel the need to work hard to gain the approval and acknowledgement of your team with whom you are working with.
PROACTIVE: You have to know what is going on around you. You will have the desire to attend to most of the cases. You have to keep yourself updated at all times. You need to be alert at all times.
PLEASANT: You have to be friendly, cooperative, and respectful to EVERYBODY around you - supervisors, HODs, MOs, HOs, Matrons, Sisters, Nurses, Support Services and most importantly - your PATIENTS.
All that I have written above are only but a tiny, small part of what the future has in store for us - not only doctors, but to everyone: teachers, engineers, scientists, pilots, and so much more. I hope everyone can benefit at least a little bit from what I have shared here today because I think its a piece of a real-life experience worth sharing.

