Wednesday, September 22

Day 10 - 22 September 2010

It's been the 10th day. 
I'm thinking whether I should post these rants or not. 
But why not post if I wrote it? What for am I writing this? Oh well maybe I'd read this in the future. But what for? Beats me.

I find myself crying almost every night. No matter how I tried not to. I don't know. Everything reminds me of you. Somehow, yeah. Somehow everything reminds me of you.

I'm still puzzled, confused, and terribly shaken.

I don't understand.
Why did it happen so fast?
Who was I to you before?
Did you ever love me when we were together?
Did you really mean it when you said you loved me?
Was I just a game to you?
...and the list could just go on.

I saw your pictures lately. I noticed that my ring was not there even. Well perhaps it was not there already for some time. But the naive me just got to realize it just now. Then I looked at my left hand. Your ring is still there, on my ring finger. I remembered what we promised together - to be there for each other forever. Might have sounded childish back then, but I really took your word for it. You know why?

You assured me that we would work out.
You convinced me to trust you.
You promised...
...but then promises were just mere words I guess.

I never felt so betrayed before. I feel like a total fool now. A fool for love. Is that wrong? I don't know.

I felt like tearing apart from inside.
It is so hard keeping it to myself.
I can't handle it alone.
I need to tell people.
I'm sorry.
I can't do it alone.

You've moved on so fast, I want to do so too. I can't be stuck here without you beside me.

It is so hard to fake my laughter every morning.
I don't want people to know.
I don't want them to know about how battered I am inside.
I don't want them to pity me.
It's miserable enough being alone.