It's been the 10th day.
I'm thinking whether I should post these rants or not.
But why not post if I wrote it? What for am I writing this? Oh well maybe I'd read this in the future. But what for? Beats me.
I find myself crying almost every night. No matter how I tried not to. I don't know. Everything reminds me of you. Somehow, yeah. Somehow everything reminds me of you.
I'm still puzzled, confused, and terribly shaken.
I don't understand.
Why did it happen so fast?
Who was I to you before?
Did you ever love me when we were together?
Did you really mean it when you said you loved me?
Was I just a game to you?
...and the list could just go on.
I saw your pictures lately. I noticed that my ring was not there even. Well perhaps it was not there already for some time. But the naive me just got to realize it just now. Then I looked at my left hand. Your ring is still there, on my ring finger. I remembered what we promised together - to be there for each other forever. Might have sounded childish back then, but I really took your word for it. You know why?
You assured me that we would work out.
You convinced me to trust you.
...but then promises were just mere words I guess.
I never felt so betrayed before. I feel like a total fool now. A fool for love. Is that wrong? I don't know.
I felt like tearing apart from inside.
It is so hard keeping it to myself.
I can't handle it alone.
I need to tell people.
I can't do it alone.
You've moved on so fast, I want to do so too. I can't be stuck here without you beside me.
It is so hard to fake my laughter every morning.
I don't want people to know.
I don't want them to know about how battered I am inside.
I don't want them to pity me.
It's miserable enough being alone.