"At some point in life, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep people out. They fence you in. That's how we're made. So you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines...that are way too dangerous to cross."
The Humble Paddy
The Sturdy Fence
An old Malay proverb goes like this - Harapkan pagar, pagar makan padi.
Loosely translated into English - Trust the fence, but the fence eats the paddy.
This is a proverb with the word DISAPPOINTMENT written all over its face (that is, if it even has one LOL). Metaphorically speaking - the farmer depends on the fence to keep animals from feasting upon his paddy plants, but to his dismay, the fence whom he entrusted the protection for his paddy actually betrayed him, for the fence "ate" his paddy.
Betrayal is painful. Luckily it hasn't happened yet. But I surely don't want it to happen! So, is it a wise move to prevent any possible betrayals in the future, and is there a non-awkward way to actually accomplish it?
Now let me tell you another metaphoric story.
Let's say person A and B are very good friends. Now, A and B love pets. A goes head over heels for tabby cats, and on the other hand B simply adores Persian cats. So basically both of them have very different tastes, worlds apart to be exact.
Now, A has had a lot of different pets before, and so did B. So for this time, A was lucky as A was given a highly-prized pedigree dog. B on the other hand, was pet-less, or was having a pet but of normal breed. So having a dog for a first time was very exciting for A.
So B started to go to A's home to see the dog. The act seemed harmless at first, but then B started to come more frequently and became closer to the dog, played joyfully with it, and once in a while giving it food and the dog STARTED to show response to B's voice and commands. A seem worried as B is getting closer to the dog, and A doesn't want the dog to respond to any other people. Perhaps B even wants to take the dog out for a doggie walk!
Now the question is,
WHY does B show so much interest in the dog now?
WHY not with A's previous pets?
WHY only now B decides to come to A's home just to see the pets?
Obviously B is interested in the dog, isn't it?
What should A do?
Tell B to not come so often?
Tell B to stay away from the dog?
Should A confront B and ask B what is B's motive of suddenly getting close to the dog?
A is afraid that by telling B what A feels, their close friendship will take the toll.
A wants the dog all to A's self! It is the most dear thing to A!
Yes, maybe A is possesive, maybe A is jealous. But this is what A feels.
A feels that B is just trying to get friendly to the dog. Well, maybe a LITTLE too friendly.
And it is not the dog's fault.
The dog is engineered to be friendly.
There are a lot more dogs out there, B - why would you disturb A's dog?
I would like to believe that close best friends are to be treasured forever for they will be there for you no matter in thick or thin, but if you start to think differently about them - what does that mean? I would not, seriously, WOULD NOT talk bad of my close best friends but - nowadays, life is messy.
No matter how we draw boundaries, some people will not get the message. They, on the other hand, should know better than to cross it, and if they are your close best friends - that gives them more reason to be considerate of you and your boundaries!
Maybe I am just paranoid. Maybe I am just thinking too much. Maybe I am insecure. But nowadays, there are many cases of BFF Betrayal - and I don't want to be involved in one! The BFFs that you trusted with all your heart are the ones who are actually betraying you - now that SUCKS big time.
But seriously, its a doggy-doggy world out there.
Eat, or be eaten.
What's mine, it's mine.
What's yours, it's yours.
DO NOT CROSS THAT BOUNDARY.
B - GET YOUR OWN DOG TO DISTURB!